Date Lab Rat: White Russian hands

An athletic “international disaster relief specialist” and a younger Eastern European blonde — what’s not to like? Everything.

This week’s Date Lab is screwed from the start, with both daters sounding a little nuts in their questionnaires. I’m willing to forgive her excessive earnestness (“He must have sparks in his eyes. He must have a dream!”) because she’s an immigrant from Belarus who probably learned English from Ghost. He has no such excuse for an inappropriate use of sneer quotes (“creative type,” “itchy feet”).

The dinner goes fine, with conversation about green card lotteries and African coffee. In a perfect 180 turn from last week, he takes note of the fact that she finishes her meal “really slowly” — apparently eating speed is something guys notice on a first date. He can tell that she’s more into it than he is (“I wouldn’t be surprised if she contacted me”), and it shows in their ratings: he gives the date a 3, she rates it a 4 and is ballsy enough to email him for a second date, but her missive goes unreturned.

Rating: 2. The dude is undeservedly smug, and it’s no fun to read, especially because the girl is so genuine.

Chances of Success: 1. He didn’t answer her email. Unless she wants to take things extralegal (a move I’d approve of, if only for the entertainment), this is the end.

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