Tuesday I wrote about a delicious set of Facebook messages between two GW students that discussed, among other things, who they were leading on . My source, The Colonialist, took down the messages. I can understand that–they have to go to school with these people, after all.

I have no such problem, and no one likes it when things disappear from the internet. Full exchange, Taming of the Shrew style, after the jump.

To keep things simple, I’ve replaced the names of principals with characters from Taming of the Shrew, another famous drama involving two fiery female protagonists. Before we jump in, our cast:

• Bianca: a GW student out of DC for the summer,  she’s stuck with someone awful named Jess.
• Catherina: the drama’s prime mover, she’s in DC and having all sorts of drama. Perhaps in love with, perhaps not in love with Gremio.
• Gremio: kissing, cuddling, and sleeping with Catherina (but not really sleeping with her)
• Tranio: some guy who keeps popping up that one of the girls wants to get with, or maybe not
• Cambio: see Tranio

FARCEFARCEFARCE

Bianca
June 27 at 7:19pm
FUCK FOOD
That is alll.

Catherina
June 27 at 7:59pm
you miss me already… just admit it

Bianca
June 27 at 8:44pm
yeah of course i do. talking to jess is like talking to a wall. come
visit meeee….
also i sent you WAH-LEE. i thought one of us needed him as a gift

Catherina
June 28 at 9:55am
um I tried to send you WAH-LEE and Eve in a loving embrace to remind
you of the power of robot love, however they were sold out because so
many others believe in that strong bond between two metal hearts
I enjoy talking to walls… its pretty much what I do here now with
the slim pickings
ok so now some news:
1. Gremio is in love with me… won’t talk to others girls, just hover
stalks and watches me flirt with other more attractive guys and pouted
over the fact that I told him he can’t tell people we hook up ( a rule
which he actually follows because he looked Lia straight in the face
and told Nate he didn’t hook up with anyone the other night,
loves it)
2. You can judge me, but I’m so popular. if you were here, we would BY
FAR be the most popular girls anywhere we went. There was a point in
the night where Tranio, Peter, Celone and the group of boys we were
with were only talking to me and ignoring the beautiful ladies of DG,
Alexa and Courtney, and other guys were still hitting on
me…I love what you have done for my appearance!
3. I officially don’t like the other girls here…. COME BACK!
There are the updates. I tell you because I know you won’t judge my
vanity, also because I just love the shit out of you
Hope you have enjoyed this novel

Bianca
June 28 at 10:48am
hahahaha ohhh Catherina. i want to be in dc. my friends here are so
sub-par. jess makes me want to kill myself and the food is too
plentiful. also i could have told you that Gremio was in love with you.
what did john say about me? you can judge me but i need an
ego boost haha
call me

Catherina
June 28 at 10:52am
oh my gosh!!! I had forgotten or I would have included. So we’re at
the house and lia and I are talking to him and all of the sudden Lia
was like “Oh, John did you know Bianca was Catherina’s best friend?”
then turns to e and is like ‘hes so in love with her’ and he turns to
me and is just like “REALLY? Shes so beautiful!” haha it was really
funny. also good for you because your name was brought up in a group
style convo and not one negative thing came out of anyone’s mouth…
all positives involving your fabulosity. Also, trashy grandma sent me
a check for exactly $113.45??? I never want to be an old loon, scares
the shit out of me
Between You and Catherina

Catherina
June 29 at 7:31am
also, in case you were wondering, the picture of class and perfection
is on long island….I believe c pred is of high enough stature to be
in such a world renowned location
also…
Between You and Catherina

Catherina
June 29 at 8:53am
1. hope you are enjoying the drunken messages
2. Biondello and Tranio were inquiring as to where you were and when I
told them it was a sore subject Biondello looked at me and was like ‘I
get seperation anxiety from my best friends too, I know what your
going through’… direct quote , also I told him I llook like my mom
and he was like ’she must be smoking’ and I was like no
3. get back here!!! the fun as exponentially increased and I need my
partner in crime
L and mother fuckin L
Bianca
also… woke up in Peter Omerods bed this morning? fully clothed,
including shoes
and the hits just keep on coming…
Between You and Catherina
Bianca
June 29 at 11:13am
hahahahah. ok so…
1. two words…message chain
2. did you hook up with Hortensio?! what?! how did that happen? also does
Gremio know? are you still hooking up with him?
3. I AM SO JEALOUS! i want to be there with those people so bad i
can’t stand it. in what manner were they inquiring about me? i want
Vincentio to pine after me. i don’t care how rediculous that
sounds haha. did Tranio try to hook up with you? also where were you
when all this went down? i’m picturing the guards. anyway let me know
so i can imagine the scenario with an accurate backdrop.
4. Baptista told me he liked me striaght up yesterday and he said he
usually doesn’t like people and he never admits it when he does. i am
dominating the shit out of this farce.
5. i am coming to visit soon. when do the class acts that are L and
Ali get there? ruin their lives for me if you would dear…
6. i have the shakes.
love youuuuu

Catherina
June 29 at 11:22am
ok… lets set the mood
Kappa house (some dude is out of town), T’s room, me, Tranio, gay
mark, john, teeps, Gremio. peter
Tranio “Your mom’s probably smokin hot.. wheres Bianca by the
way? tell her to come over. Wait she out of town”
John “what about Bianca? what? she went home?’
Tranio “can I get your number by the way?’
p.s. John was like ‘I notice you correctly use ‘John and I’ and
other grammatical things most people mess up. I like that about you, i
think your smart’
then the guards
FARCEFARCE FARCE
no I CLEARLY did not hook up with Lucentio, exact wording of Gremio

text message this morning ‘I’m in Lucentio’s bed, its really
comfortable, what the hell did you do last night?’ HAHAHA
FARCEFARCEFARCE
Congrats on Rufo gurrrrrl!!! so proud, my little baby is growing up!
Also, there is no despute regarding the fact that we are the most
popular girls in our grade based on 1. inquires made about you while
you’ve been away 2. people wanting so hard on my friendship include:
KLang, biffle Gia, John, peter, etc
FARCEFARCEFARCE
get yo ass to DC bitch, T is hardly a worthy sidekick
LOVE YOU!!!
also Bobo and I are facebook friends… watch out world

Displaying 8 of 11 messages. View entire thread.
Catherina
June 29 at 11:45am
I don’t think I put enough emphasis on how fabulous your Rufo sitch
it, introspectively thinking about the above message
FUCKING FABULOUS!!!
I know that, like me, you need a shit ton of validation, so here goes:
one of, if not THE, most attractive boy at our school not only likes
you, but confesses so in an embarrassing fashion
You will date and be fabulous and envied by all
also, your a very beautiful 18 year old girl…?

Bianca
June 29 at 12:22pm
hahahahaha. i love you. i want to be where you are and i want to kill
myself for leaving during this most formative weekends of the farce.
we are so popular and i love us and being fab and i’ll be back asap
because i want to rub the fabulosity in the faces of those trashiest
of girls.
Cambio now has your number? are you like bff? i want to be bff with
Cambio…

Catherina
June 29 at 12:49pm
yeah we’re bff.. preemptive ask and then we got distracted and then
there was a double ask, susannah happened to be in the room, her face
was PRICELESS but yes bff, buy you a drink, want on your friendship
situation is occurring
I don’t know any trash girls, however I know there is this
transvestite moving into my home, her name you might be familiar
with.. Leah something or other??? anywho
I knew this regret you are currently feeling would happen to you, in
case you were wondering
I’m arrithmiating
p.s. still wondering how we lived any other way then our current level
of fuckin fab
another person who loves me… celone?
in regards to teeps direct quote from two boys at the guards in
regards to our pairing in that way where if intoxication wasn’t
happening the volume would have made them so embarrassed:
cute boy: ‘I want to talk to her, just go introduce yourself to the
friend’
clear sidekick: ‘no man, I mean really?’
cutie pie: ‘just take one for the team, please?’
2 minutes later sidekick introduces himself to teeps… ROUGH
lets see what else?

Catherina
June 29 at 12:56pm
oh yes…Gremio’s awk roommate Banquo

“please don’t kill Gremio’
direct quote

ok so Gremio slept over last night and I get this text in the morning
from susannah thats like I hear a boy snoring in your room, I just
went pee and I was like ok and then we were both in the bathroom and
she was like:
S: was that Gremio last night?
C: Yeah
S: whats the deal with you two?
C: nothing really
S: so you’re sleeping together?
C: actually no, we just kiss and cuddle and sleep together
S: didn’t I hear you two shower together this morning?
C:yeah…?
S face of disbelief
S: wait so he hangs out with you this much and shower together but
don’t sleep together?
C: correct
S: well as soon as you sleep together hes probably going to run for
the hills, hes just trying to fuck you
….
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
sure, potentially true and one of the main reasons I’m waiting to
sleep with him but how, HOW THE FUCK if you will, is that something
she can say to me
I’m bout to slap a bitch

Catherina
July 2 at 10:19am
also this classy tidbit appears on the wall of Ali Tierney
DEMURE
Leah  wrote
at 12:16pm on June 30th, 2008
im thinking one of our first activities in DC needs to be a lovely CPK
dinner…your thoughts?
p.s. sorry for not calling you back! expect a call soooooon

I think when you come back into town we should kick off class fest
with dindin at TGI Frdays? great potateo skins

Bianca
July 2 at 4:31pm
i was thinking a classier place like mcdonalds. perhaps the one in
adams morgan? i call the seat with the burns and pee stains!!
susannah is a cunt. that is all that i have to say about that. she
doesn’t get to say shit to anyone else when she hasn’t had a guy
interested in her, well, EVER!!!
my stalker, that john sigep boy, called me last night again. on my new
number. that he didn’t have. we aren’t facebook friends and my prof.
is private so he had to seek my number out. so fucking creepy…

Catherina
July 4 at 1:06am
pred made me unclickable… bitch

Catherina
July 4 at 11:03am
in case you were wondering, which I know you often are, scott
and his girlfriends broke up
TRAGEDY
and reg said he likes tall blondes with big boobs, I say 2 out of 3
ain’t bad
yay for lofty goals, wish me luck

Catherina
July 4 at 11:03am
in case you were wondering, which I know you often are, scott
and his girlfriends broke up
TRAGEDY
and reg said he likes tall blondes with big boobs, I say 2 out of 3
ain’t bad
yay for lofty goals, wish me luck

Catherina
Today at 2:04am
i’m fucked
as I said earlier, I bent it and it broke
he made me cry…
in the laundry room…
at sangster and bobos…
we’re finished. I think he’ll be nice about it because I told him if
he had any respect for me as a person he wouldn’t tell others
here’s how shit went down, so embarrassing for me, me ‘ i ;ike you,
and you just shat all over me with your slutty shit’
him ‘I wanted this to be something and all you did was call me a slut
and never tell me you wanted it to be something so I slept with
Lady Macbeth, I didn’t think you’d care’
me ‘ (crying) fuck you, you made me cry, how did you think that
wouldn’t upset me?’
more talking in the middle that leads to
him ’so we’re done then?’
me ‘ yeah were done, and if you have any respect for me you won’t tell
anyone about this’
then, I insulted him via a haberdasher, and he got real pissed
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
I bent it, and it really fucking broke
I have absolutely no idea what to do
I wish you were here, I want to kill myself
all of this is compounded by the fact that leah, ali and a whole bunch
of motha fuckers be coming into town
SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT
this could actually ruin my reputation, like he could ruin me I feel
good thing I never fucked him i guess?

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