Staff writer Chelsea Paige spent last semester in Russia. Far from Georgetown, she still managed to run into a DC export: weaponized sadness.

Spending 70 years behind the Iron Curtain is like being frozen in carbonite: once you get out, you’re shocked to realize that your friends on the other side are wildly successful (or Jedis) and you’re still a ne’er-do-weller with a debt to an obese gangster.

Russia’s Han Solos, shocked by leaving commie-freeze, have been embracing the fruits of their new, pseudo-capitalist life a little overzealously. Moscow oil tycoons make a little cash and suddenly the city looks like a version of Vegas built by 12-year-olds. This isn’t going over well with the government, who have grown even more paranoid about outside influences.

The latest threat? Those clearly “suicidal” emo kids, who have taken to their new lifestyle with vigor. The genre, born in DC as “emotional hard-core rock”, constitutes no less than an “emotional and spiritual crisis” in Russia, according to the government.

The “suicide” label also comes from the government, so you shouldn’t be surprised that Russian legislators wants harsher regulation of emo sites and a ban on people dressed emo from entering government buildings and school. Some schools have gotten a little more descriptive:

In November, the Novgorod regional education department issued a letter to all schools in the region with a description of emo culture, saying the “dream of every [emo] is to die in a warm bath from the blood of cutting their wrists.”

This crackdown would seem par for the course for President Medvedev and his cronies, except that we’re talking about a country that produced an artist who threatened to stab himself to death at St. Basil’s Cathedral if Stalin destroyed it.

Clearly, this is the most emo, melodramatic country in the world. Babyshkas should be cutting themselves in the street to the tune of Elliott Smith and while crying! What I would pay to see Putin paint his nails black.

Flickr photo by dbarronoss used under a Creative Commons license

Local gossip sites can’t get enough of these “hottest fill-in-the-blank” contests. The Hill just published its annual rundown of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill, and incoming first-year law student Laura Swett made the list.

The 23 year-old Republican works for Georgetown law alum Rep. Frank Wolf (R-Va.), who tried to stir up trouble last spring about a Saudi donation to Georgetown that was vetted three years ago (the Editorial Board told him off). Since Swett rolls with someone who ignores available information, here’s an out-of-context quote from her Hill profile:

“I use my office as guinea pigs,” she said.

Shocking. At least she’s single. DCeiver has more coverage of who’s sexy, who doesn’t merit a second look, and who’s delousing.

In case of emergency, hop the Blue Line. In a report on public transportation helping cities cope with catastrophes, the Transportation Research Board, whose members have clearly never tried to Metro their way to Rosslyn after a basketball game, recently commended (PDF) DC for its transit system, even while giving a wag of its finger to other cities:

[Urban Areas] having extensive and redundant rail networks with good system connectivity posses an important asset in an emergency evacuation, as was amply demonstrated in New York City and Washington, D.C., in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks of September 11th. Few UAs, however, have such extensive rail transit systems.”

The TRB says we’re most threatened by hurricanes, floods, and blizzards. They prescribe a healthy routine of tests and maintenance for urban transit systems, which is exactly what DC won’t get if toolshed Senator Tom Coburn keeps opposing Metro funding in the Tomnibus bill.

Via CTA Tattler

 When Aramark took over Leo’s cafeteria a year ago, they promised 6 “all-you-care-to-eat mini-restaurants” by the beginning of spring semester. They never appeared, and little changed in the dining hall.

Things are finally getting going, though, according to an email from Andrew Lindquist, Leo’s dining director:

[Leo’s changes] is nearing completion. It will now include a brick oven pizza station, marketplace, and diner. In addition, work was done on the upper level to provide more opportunity. I think you will enjoy the new design and features.

Of course, Lindquist might actually be fooling us into another year of treating wrap and breakfast fajita bars as major innovations. And “marketplace” sounds more like the current pile of fruit, bread, and donuts than a mini-restaurant.