Date Lab Rat: Happy Valentine’s Day, suckas!
Last night, I saw He’s Just Not That Into You with three friends, all in various flavors of singleness. This morning over Leo’s brunch with one of them, we discussed which of the movie’s many predictable happy endings made us the maddest in its absolute lack of connection to real life (I know, I know, it’s our fault for seeing it.) Our verdict (SPOILER ALERT, if you’re a moron who can’t predict chick flick plots): Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long, closely followed by Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck.
This week’s Date Lab is the perfect bitter after-dinner drink to complement that sickeningly sweet dessert. She’s into it and delusional, he’s giving her the not-so-subtle brush-off. On top of that, they’re both pretty unlikable: he comes across as frighteningly shallow and self-involved, and she’s the kind of clingy that makes you want to shout at her through your newspaper or computer screen.
A few choice excerpts:
I just had a forkful of icing. She ate 98 percent. [As for the cards,] I don’t give them out to everyone.
It was about 9:30 when we left the restaurant. Bryan told me he’d walk with me over to the Metro. We discussed again that he’d call. I took his arm, actually. It was a very memorable part of the date.
Rating: 1. Come on, Post. This is just painful for everyone involved.
Chances of Success: 0. Even those of you who didn’t figure out from the first Jennifer Connelly scene that her husband would turn out to be Sack from Wedding Crashers can see where this is going, and that would be nowhere.