MPD sends out bad but giggle-worthy Crime Summaries

MPD: Bass Ackwards.

It’s not often you can chuckle at something that poses a mild threat to your safety. But you can’t help but laugh at the befuddling new crime summaries MPD 2D has begun sending members of its listserv, which almost seemed designed to keep you in the dark about the criminal goings-on in your neighborhood. (Ths after trying to replace the crime reports with—you call that a crime map?)

Georgetown Metropolitan does a good job comparing the older, better crime summaries to their newer, garbled counterparts:

Here’s an example of the old ones from February 19th:

PSA 206: Theft occurred in the 3200 block of M Street NW on 2/14/09 between
8:15 pm and 8:20 pm. A citizen reports that one subject stole a coat
from the location. The subject is described as a white male, 5′7″ and 135 lbs.

Now compare the listings above to what started getting released around the beginning of March:

PSA : 206
CCN : 09030187
RPT DATE : Mar 6 2009 12:00AM
SHIFT : DAY
OFFENSE : Theft
METHOD : 2
BLOCK : 3200 B/O M ST NW
LOCATION : Specialty Store
START DT : 03/06/2009
START TM : 13:00:00
END DT : 03/06/2009
END TM : 13:10:00

“Hell,” he notes, “they’re not even gathered by PSA. You have to browse through the whole list to find all the crimes for your particular neighborhood.”

Right on. What’s with that coding, anyway? We’ve got the full glossary after the jump, but among my favorites are “MPD = Metropolitan Police Department” (got it?), and “Criss Cross = Two people fighting, usually against each other, both are arrested” (you learn something new everyday!).

One thing’s for sure—If George the Third ever comes back from the dead, she ought to adopt this catchy new phrasing. Doesn’t “Spotted, W/M, L/S with A/F didn’t LOF A/F’s ex-boyfriend, who used F & V in an ensuing Criss Cross at B/O Sig Ep house. XOXO, R1,” just sound so titillating?

Robbery = the taking from one person by another face to face. Often combined with
F & V = force and violence.

ADW = Assault with a Dangerous Weapon (can be gun, knife, pool stick, shoe, cane, etc)

Criss Cross = Two people fighting, each against the other usually, both are arrested)

PBS = Pocket Book Snatching

Dest < $200 = Destruction of Property below $200 (keying a car door or breaking a window)

AGGR. ASLT = Aggravated Assault (usually leaves someone bloody)

Theft 2 = Less than $250

Theft 1 = Equal to or greater than $250, can be a bike from a porch or yard for example,

or a shirt from a store

B1 = Burglary, entering a home when people are in the house at the time of the burglary

B2 = Burglary, entering a home when no one is there

B & E = Breaking and Entering (used for a vending machine type crimes, not a house)

TFA = Theft from Auto

LOF = Look Out For

B/O = Block of

L/S = Last seen

LSW = Last seen wearing

N/B = North Bound, S/B = South Bound

C1 = Complainant (the victim-usually)

R1 = Reporter (the one who reports the crime, usually a witness to the crime)

S1 = Suspect

B/F = Black Female

A/M = Asian Male

W/M = White Male

H/F = Hispanic Female

2D = 2nd District Police Force

MPD = Metropolitan Police Department

Skully = Skull cap or tight fitting pullover cap

Hoodie = Hooded Sweatshirt

3 Comments on “MPD sends out bad but giggle-worthy Crime Summaries

  1. Can they just not conceive that a White woman or Hispanic male could commit a crime?

    And what do they do if a crime is committed by an American Indian or Australian Aborigine? How much you want to bet they’ve got a “misc.” category for that?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>