If MTV’S The Real World has become known for one thing in its thirteen seasons and counting on air, it’s the hookups.
It must be a law of nature that if a bunch of attention-starved twenty-somethings shack up in an expensive house together and you set them loose on the bar scene of an unwitting major city, the result will be grainy, nightvision bedroom footage, be it housemate-on-housemate or housemate-on-random-city-dweller, that makes for reality television gold.
So when The Real World brought its cyclone of debauchery to D.C. for its latest season, many of us here at the Voice (except for wet blanket Chris Heller) were hoping for a cast member to get some on-screen action.
Well Georgetown, meet your latest celebrity student, Alli, a senior in the SFS.
In Episode Four, which aired on January 20, Alli is the love interest/intended sexual partner of Andrew, one of the season’s oddest and most annoying cast members. Though he claims to have slept with over ten women, his consistent lying and general weirdness (he’s the one who spends much of his time on air wearing the panda hat) have all of his housemates, not to mention all of America, convinced that he’s a virgin. In this episode, he even goes to Panda Charm School where he gets bra-unhooking lessons from his female housemates and Mike.
This week, in an episode perhaps tellingly entitled “The Princess and the Panda,” he set out with a vengeance to disprove us once and for all.
As with so many Georgetown romances, Andrew meets Alli at Rhino. After their requisite DFMO session, Andrew manages to get Alli in a cab back to the cast’s Dupont Circle house. To anyone familiar with the show, that’s a pretty clear signal that Andrew’s finally going to lose that pesky virginity.
Turns out, it’s not going to happen with Alli. After getting in bed with her new friend, cameras rolling and ready for some grey-and-black action, our fellow Hoya refuses to seal the deal with Andrew, saying she’s a “good girl” and suggesting instead that they cuddle and go to sleep. This results in some hilarious confessional footage of a sexually frustrated Andrew, complaining at length about how much he hates spooning.
But either Andrew genuinely liked Alli, or he felt that he’d come close enough to having gotten some that he figured he should try to finish what he started. The two corresponded via e-mail following their post-bar slumber party (her suggestion, how very Georgetown), and agreed to go for lunch at Sweetgreen together.
Romantic shots ensue of the pair sitting in a park eating fro-yo. Andrew, ever the optimist, kills the mood by suggesting that they do it right there in the park, and Alli politely refuses.
Mystifyingly, by this point Alli isn’t creeped-out enough by Andrew to stop seeing him. She agrees to come over when he calls her the following day, and oddly enough, brings her cousin with her. After taking a tour of the house (or rather, being paraded by Andrew in front of his housemates as proof of his conquest) she decides to spend the night with her Real-World-er again.
And Andrew is yet again unsuccessful in his attempt to hook up with Alli, who decides for the second time that she just wants to cuddle. Andrew’s confessional rant about spooning and its lack of any redeeming qualities follows.
The affair ends the following day. Although Andrew attempts to talk to Alli over the phone, she insists that he hang up and read the e-mail she sent him. In the message, titled “Sweetgreen,” Alli lets Andrew down easy, saying that she’s sorry but doesn’t want to continue with their reality-TV-fueled romance. Andrew walks out of the room, head down and dejected, and stiffly lays face-down on his bed in the standard “I’ll never love again” pose. But the kid knows how to bounce back, because the next night he’s once again hitting the bar scene, cruising for an easier target.
As for Alli? From the looks of her public Twitter account, she was clearly apprehensive about the episode’s airing. Since the show’s December 30 premiere, Alli has without fail tweeted every Wednesday about having her “fingers and toes crossed,” with the frequency and intensity of the posts increasing with each passing episode.
“phew. dodged another bullet….until next week. eeeeeek. these minor heart attacks every wednesday night cannot be good for me….” she posted on January 6.
Last night’s three Real-World-related tweets all revealed a pretty nerve-wracked Alli, saying “cannot focus on anything…..please let tonight end well…”, “deep breath”, and “shits about to get real” (I think Andrew would argue otherwise on that last one).
Vox solicited a comment from Alli that exceeded 140 characters by e-mail, but received no response. Whether she’s waiting quietly for the whole thing to blow over or enjoying her fifteen minutes of campus-wide fame as Georgetown’s newest anti-one-night-stand symbol (though clearly not anti-going home with a random guy from a bar), I guess we’ll never really know for sure.