“Well, at least we don’t live in Darnall.” It’s the mantra of every Harbin resident with a leaky ceiling, every New South-er with a filthy public shower, and every Village C kid with a toilet-hating gunman on the loose.
But talk to anyone who actually lives in that hellhole, and they’ll tell you the sense of camaraderie among floormates makes it the best thing that’s ever happened to them. And now, thanks to GUTV, it’s a sitcom! That makes it campy-cool, right?
Well, if you were one of the tens of viewers who tuned into the premiere of Darnall: The Sitcom on GUTV last night, you saw that kids in this infamous residence hall live a life shockingly similar to that of any other Georgetown freshman. It’s filled with awkward floor-cestuous flirtation, irritating RAs, and slow-moving elevators. Aren’t you on crippled with laughter just thinking about it?
The premise of the show is a Friends-style living arrangement with Gilligan’s Island’s isolation. The cast is your standard, not-so-special freshmen, along with two freshman basketball players and an RA who won’t let the kids play by themselves. The episode’s climax involves a broken elevator door that leaves the gang trapped, feeble and Facebook-less in the dorm’s basement.
As it turns out, the whole ordeal was just a ploy by their RA to get them to stop using so much energy. Why would he commit such a heinous, unthinkable deed? Because he’s Amish. Yes, Amish. Why Amish? Why do the writers harbor such hatred against a people as peaceful as the Amish? These questions and more will baffle you as you’re watching Darnall.
Others include: Why do the two freshman basketball players look like regular kids of average height? Why are these kids all such terrible flirters? Why doesn’t GUTV invest in body mics so I can actually hear their terrible flirting over the hum of the background? And will Andrea ever be able to get back on Facebook so she can take more quizzes?!
Your burning questions, my friends, will sadly go unanswered. But if you’ve ever found yourself sitting on your bed in New South, wondering how the other half lives in rooms where you can’t spread your arms without touching both walls, this first episode of Darnall will inform you quite effectively: the lives they live are exciting, but not nearly campy sitcom-worthy.