The Real World DC Power Rankings: Week Nine
Sound the alarms, release a cageful of white doves, and cue the Hallelujah Chorus: Andrew got laid! But better yet—Andrew got laid twice! After the first encounter, when he sat in the confessional doing an awkward thumb-shaking dance repeatedly singing “I got some booootay,” America smiled along as they watched their favorite awkward virgin finally become a man. But don’t worry, he’s still the same Andrew we’ve grown to know and love: he fails at trying to procure a second rendezvous with one of the lucky ladies, drunkenly makes a pass at Emily, and does it all while wearing his panda hat.
Choice Quotation: “I want to have sex with her. Again. Why else would you take a girl on a date?”
Moment of High Comedy: He reveals that the only relationships he’s ever been in are ones where he thought they were together and the girl said otherwise.
2) Josh (previously #2)
The problem with trying to describe Josh’s actions is that there are only so many ways you can call someone a douchebag. This week he sleeps with a girl he meets with Andrew, has his idiotic girlfriend over for a visit, and then the night after she leaves gets with Kelly Anne, the same older broad from a few weeks ago. Seriously, I’m embarrassed to live in a city where there are that many girls willing to hook up with this tool.
Choice Quotation: “James Bond’s got a license to kill, rock star’s got a license to be outrageous.”
Moment of High Comedy: His girlfriend calls when he’s in bed with hookup #1. Well-played, MTV.
3) Emily (previously #5)
This week, Emily faces the harsh reality that if you hook up with someone you live with, it’s probably going to get awkward at some point. If that person happens to be Ty, a slightly unstable dude with big muscles and some alcohol-induced anger issues, it’s going to get awkward and really, really frustrating. How does she vent her frustration? By helping kids write poetry. A noble cause, yes, but it also means that we as viewers have to be exposed to her poetry.
Choice Quotation: “Anger is the buildup of a wave coming down/ Crashing on the shore and throwing itself on the ground.” Wonder if she had to use rhyme.com.
Moment of High Comedy: She says her hookup with Ty was “a long time ago” and that she doesn’t want anyone to know about it. Apparently she still doesn’t realize she’s on a reality show.
4) Ty (previously #8 )
The Above the Influence people must’ve spotted Ty with some money this week, because there’s no way he was making that big of a drunken ass out of himself for free. He gets a little too defensive when trying to stop Emily from cockblocking Josh, and then further angers her by telling Callie’s brother about their previous sexual encounter. Oh, and there’s an unnecessary shot of him being herded into a cab by his friends outside Rhino.
Choice Quotation: “I like you enough to please myself.”
Moment of High Comedy: The episode starts with him and Emily wrestling, and then later on he does the same with Erika. Maybe Emily’s frustration with him is just jealousy?
5) Callie (previously #4)
Callie spends most of this week’s episode commenting on the action of her crazy roommates, but she adds some nice fuel to the fire when her brother comes for a visit. Why these people continue to expose their families to the Real World house is still unclear: even breathing the air in that thing must give you at least four kinds of infections.
Choice Quotation: “Ever since Andrew has gotten in this house, his overall quest has been to get laid by somebody. I’m partially proud of Andrew, but at the same time I’m kinda just grossed out.”
Moment of High Comedy: She offers Josh advice on his girlfriend situation while making what appear to be arts and crafts at the kitchen counter.
6) Erika (previously #3)
This girl NEVER shuts up about being cheated on. Every time the issue has come up on the show this season, she throws in that she’s been cheated on loads of times by loads of guys. Enough already.
Choice Quotation: “Kelly Anne is nice, but she’s old and she’s a homewrecker.”
Moment of High Comedy: She’s walking around the house in a towel when she meets Callie’s brother.
7) Ashley (previously #6)
This week, Ashley fuels her habit of trying to solve the problems of everybody else in the house. Any by that, I mean she offers semi-disguised pieces of condescending judgment that irritate more than they help. If she wants to try to solve problems, she should make some of her own. That’s at least more entertaining.
Choice Quotation: To Josh after he brings Kelly Anne home from the bar: “You’re drunk right now!” Nothing gets by this one.
Moment of High Comedy: Josh’s girlfriend shares with her and Emily that she only thinks Josh’s kissed one girl since being on the show. She doesn’t say anything, but her awkward, disapproving face gives everything away.
8 ) Mike (previously #1)
Mike might as well have not existed this week. But seeing as he dominated last week’s episode, that’s perfectly understandable. He’d better enjoy his week off and come back strong: I’d hate to see him get boring.