At the tail end of last episode, a very drunk Andrew was pushed off the house’s railing onto the pavement by a very, very drunk Ty. So given that this week began with him being taken to the emergency room in an ambulance (he got away with just a few bruises), Andrew’s display of hilarity—dare I say it, adorable hilarity—is all the more impressive.
The highest points of the episode come when he drunkenly uses his fall to hit on Emily, gets a visit from his carbon-copy younger brother William, and debuts a new hat, this one fashioned like the head of a moose.
Choice Quotation: “If I had twins I would circumcise one and not the other, and that’s how I’d tell them apart. I’d name them the exact same thing.”
Moment of High Comedy: He reveals that he used to be addicted to comic books, spending up to $80 per week on them, until his family and friends stepped in and said, “’Andrew, you need to get laid.’”
2) Emily (previously #3)
As Andrew’s roommate, Emily takes it upon herself to help the poor, inebriated weirdo the most after his fall, subjecting herself to his awkward drunken come-ons. (Upon gesturing to his crotch, he says “Here, I didn’t fall on this area. Touch this.”) But when she gets at odds with former flame Ty over his destructive drinking habits, she turns it into a power struggle that I’m sure will carry itself into the next season of Real World/Road Rules Challenge.
Choice Quotation: “You are a tool! You are a dick! You are a douchebag!”
Moment of High Comedy: When talking about Andrew’s fall and its aftermath, she never refers to him by his real name, instead only as “Panda.”
3) Ty (previously #4)
After promising not to drink anymore so that he doesn’t bring any more of his roommates to the brink of death, Ty takes a break from the house by getting an internship with the Washington Capitals (seriously, who keeps thinking it’s a good idea to hire these people?), despite admitting in the interview that his only experience in the field was as a high school athlete. I played softball in seventh grade, maybe if I get a camera crew to follow me around I can get a job with the Nationals?
Choice Quotation: “I’m about to get so redbulled!”
Moment of High Comedy: He goes on an ice skating excursion with his fellow Capitals workers, and eats the floor numerous times. Ah, schadenfreude.
4) Ashley (previously #7)
Ashley has always seemed like she’s wanted to be the Real World equivalent of a house mother, hence why she constantly irritates her housemates with inane advice. But when she gets pretty schwasted towards the end of the episode, she makes us all remember why she’s a Real World-er to begin with.
Choice Quotation: “Are you ready for that talk right now? ‘Cause I’m pretty wasted.”
Moment of High Comedy: During a fairly dramatic confrontation between Emily and Ty, Ashley is in the background, drunkenly climbing all over an unfazed Josh’s lap.
5) Josh (previously #2)
Dear MTV- Please, please, PLEASE stop showing Wicked Liquid rehearsing all the time. They’re not getting any better, and it’s not making anybody want to go to their shows, unless they’re carrying rotten vegetables and pictures of Ty’s ex-girlfriend to throw onto the stage.
Choice Quotation: In reference to Ty pushing Andrew, Josh says “Do you realize that what you did was like…not…normal?”
Moment of High Comedy: He strongly encourages that Ty continue to drink, despite a meeting between the housemates in which he agreed he wouldn’t. This guy tries far too hard to be badass.
6) Mike (previously #8 )
Mike lies pretty low for the second week in a row, which makes sense. He seems like a decently normal guy, and what’s the appeal in showing people like that on reality TV?
Choice Quotation: “I’m no stranger to being a little bit more aggressive when I drink, but I don’t throw people off balconies.”
Moment of High Comedy: After he tells Ty that there’s going to be a house meeting regarding his drinking, there’s a dramatic close-up of sand trickling through an hourglass. I know, I don’t get it either.
7) Callie and Erika (previously #5 and #6, respectively)
These two might as well have been the same person this week. Both got camera time when they made useless statements about how pushing other people over railings isn’t such a good thing to do, but aside from that contributed very little. Better luck next week, girls.