At many points throughout the season (which will be over next week!), I’ve found myself wondering just what kind of environment could spawn someone as tool-y as Josh. This week, when we witnessed Josh’s cousin’s wedding, it came out that he actually has a pretty nice, loving family, and he’s the single, douchey anomaly. And there’s a performance by Wicked Liquid at the Rock and Roll Hotel, but I don’t think any of us really want to relive that.
Choice Quotation: “You’re clocking my mother!”
Moment of High Comedy: After his band goes offstage, there are chants of “One more song!” from the audience. But looking at shots of the crowd, it’s clearly just his overly-enthusiastic roommates.
2) Mike (previously #4)
This week, we learn more about the surprisingly non-dysfunctional relationship between Mike and his at-home (and, as a side note, really attractive) boyfriend Tanner. When Tanner comes for a short visit, he and his Real World boyfriend do everything couples in D.C. should do, and get a lot of on-screen make-out time. Almost makes you forget about Erik, the other guy Mike’s hooked up with this season.
Choice Quotation: “Come upstairs and meet everybody before we get naked in front of them.”
Moment of High Comedy: There’s a pretty unnecessary shot of the happy couple in the shower together.
3) Ty (previously #7)
Seeing as Ty’s been pretty boring lately, it’s understandable that Josh would pick him as one of the two guests he brings to his cousin’s wedding. During the car ride, Ty voices his intentions to put game on some of Josh’s relatives, and later has some pretty good success. With Josh’s mom.
Choice Quotation: “I’m looking forward to going to Philadelphia, seeing if I can make a little Wedding Crashers scene.”
Moment of High Comedy: After originally flirting a little bit, there are some up-close and pretty disturbing shots of Ty and Josh’s mom on the dance floor.
4) Andrew (previously #2)
Andrew is the other of Josh’s dates to his cousin’s wedding, and surprisingly neither hits on any of Josh’s family nor wears any hat bearing the likeness of a zoo animal. But in getting him and Ty lost on the way to Philly and offering some classic Andrew insight on Ty’s interaction with Josh’s mom, he keeps our interest even when he’s not actually doing anything.
Choice Quotation: “Ty is dancing with Josh’s mom. There’s some genital contact. I see that going on.”
Moment of High Comedy: He’s terrified of South Philly. Poor, sheltered kid.
5) Callie (previously #3)
The girls this week were almost unbearably boring. Even though we’re all glad that Erika and her constant whining have permanently left the show (part of me was still worried she’d change her mind and come back), at least she made us remember that the Real World has some insane girls to go along with the tool-ish guys. But Callie won the battle among the ladies this week, if for no other reason than she was most open in her distaste for having to spend an evening watching Wicked Liquid.
Choice Quotation: To Andrew, when the housemates are about to volunteer with D.C. kids: “Are you allowed to be around small children? Do you have some kind of restraining order?”
6) Ashley (previously #5) and Emily (previously #6)
These two might as well have been the same person this week. Both offer meaningless insight onto how adorable Mike and Tanner’s constant cuddling is, and how unenthusiastic they are at watching Josh perform. Oh, and they do some charity work too, but when does that ever make for good reality television?