Jacob didn’t want to hear about the environmental accolades the Hariri building had earned:
“I don’t care if they made the foundation out of fruit rind, it still an overpriced monstrosity geared toward inculcating bro’s into a shallow life of materialism. It would do the school and the environment a favor if they tore down the whole thing and replaced it with a vegetable patch.”
Nick had a strategy suggestion for members of Georgetown, Divest! who want Georgetown to divest from select companies in Israel and Palestine:
“They should chain themselves to John Carroll’s statue, that usually seems to work.”
“I agree with Eusebio. Students are wasting precious time in their silos. You know, silos, like where you store corn? Except instead of corn, they store narrow-minded students. Anyway, get them out of their silos! Not to be mean or anything, but Georgetown’s a ghetto. Not the ethnic slum type, though. It’s a ghetto of students. Students who are all the same.”
“Fritz Brogan” added his two cents, too:
“Last week, at my bar there was a blond girl talking to a brunette and a chick with red hair. It was pretty diverse, man. Almost as diverse as the Civil Rights Movement, which we all remember so well from the 1930s.
The apartment is coming along great. My mom just picked some great tile for the bathroom. Please write a story about it.”
“Thanks for opening up on such a private matter. There should be less stigma and shame attached to sexual discovery. At least on the information side. Then people can make up their own minds on what they feel they should or shouldn’t do. Good piece!“
Cashe McSnobbes was just tickled to hear that a water taxi from Georgetown to Nats Park is launching this summer:
“Excellent, now Jeeves can just carry me down to the dock. No more riding in a tube underground with those middle-income office workers and icky minorities.”
Fictional alum Benjamin Gates was thrilled to hear about the overpriced-but-pretty Georgetown coffee table book:
“As a Georgetown alum who majored in History, I can say I am completely thrilled about this coffee table book. I am currently between projects and find myself with a lot of time on my hands with my girlfriend Dr. Abigail Chase. I would love to relive my Georgetown days back when I was exploring the steam tunnels to find hidden Algonquin treasure. I credit my Georgetown education for my considerable knowledge of history which my partner Riley is always making wisecracks about. The price tag does not bother me since I have recently come into quite a sum of money and will probably find more money in my next adventure. Although it’s not a book of secrets, I’m sure it will make quite a lovely addition to my already large collection of coffee table books.
PS I’m going to shteal the Declaration of Independence!”
“Only on Vox Populi would someone encouraging people to give to the university be considered a controversial position, and not the other way around.’