Remember when the first Lord of the Rings came out, and the end made you wonder why Peter Jackson would be so cruel as to make you wait a whole freaking year before you could see The Two Towers? I know we’ve all been sharing in that achy, anticipating feeling for the past two months, but now we can finally rejoice.GUTV has finally released Darnall: The Sitcom, episode 2!
I guess because of the lengthy delay between the two episodes, Episode 2 opens with a “previously on Darnall!” montage. But its scenes of awkward freshmen sharing uninteresting small-talk (and then getting stuck in a basement without a single functioning GoCard to swipe the door open), made me super duper excited to spend the next fourteen minutes of my life watching some awkward freshmen live their boring, day-to-day lives.
This week’s episode finds the gang doing—wait, what was the gang doing? Looking back on the episode, all I remember are short, inconsequential conversations (which I can hear a lot better now. Thanks for listening, GUTV!) about which boy is cuter and the toils of eating Grab n’ Go salads. Where’s the plot? The adventure? The romance? Did I really need to watch three minutes of “Previously on Darnall!” to understand that freshmen have incredibly uninteresting lives, which get even less interesting when you try and get people to watch them on television?
The gang eventually wound up at an awkward Henle party with about as many people in attendance as you can fit inside a Darnall closet, complete with a soundtrack of thirty-second-or-so clips of standard party songs, blended together as well as any drunk kid who grabs the iPod off the speakers would do. The party’s host passes out, and Beatrice (one of the Darnall-ers) gets rejected by Christian, who says that he doesn’t have enough time for her because he’s a basketball player. To top the heart-wrenching scene off, “Such Great Heights” by the Postal Service provides the aural backdrop.
I haven’t cried that hard since middle school.
But the best part of this month’s installation of Darnall? Awkward sexual innuendos. When two guys shoot some hoops together at the beginning of the episode, a girl comes up to them and asks if they’re “scared of a little two-on-one.” One of the dudes chuckles, and she gets confused. Now that’s high comedy.