What sucks: These are the jokes, people?

Vox returned to Tombs trivia for a third time this week to see if Hoyas were still yukking it up with cheap jokes about horrible things that happen to other Hoyas. We were not disappointed … which is to say we were deeply disappointed. Who “won” this round?

First place (The “whiny little bloggers” memorial trophy): It’s not rape if you say, “Surprise!” Surprise! Week after week, Hoyas who can’t come up with clever team names decide to make fun of rape instead.

Second place (The “fighting the pussification of America” silver medal): Is it too tsunami for Japan jokes? Have experts likened its nuclear crisis to Chernobyl? Then … probably, yes.

Runner-up (The “it’s called dark humor” consolation prize): Hit your baby one more time. Failing that, push her down the stairs, right guys?

Sigh.

But we’ll be the first to admit that last night, team names were on the whole more hilarious than nasty. So after the jump, find out which team won the inaugural “Four years later and we’re still drinking in a basement” medal of honor:

Number of naked laps I did before SNAP caught me. Some images we find hilarious, some we don’t. A man yelling “surprise!” and then raping someone? Not really. A nude Hoya bounding down the streets of Burleith as Lenore Rubino screams into the phone at SNAP and a SNAP car follows our runner, a hapless Cory Peterson pleading with him to get back inside all the while? Yes.

Runners-Up: Number of minutes Joe Biden slept at GW, These are not intended to be factual answers, and Other than that, did you enjoy the parade Mrs. Kennedy?

So, why does Vox find these team names titter-worthy, and not the others? For us, it’s a matter of cerebral function and punchline. We like the vice president falling asleep during the president’s speech, SNAP’s Sisyphean task, and Jon Kyl’s being Jon Kyl as punchlines. And “Other than that Mrs. Kennedy…” has some real theory of mind shit going on.

Our winners? Their punchlines are just rape, Japan, and girl punching. No one’s brain is hurting from thinking up those. Only fellow Hoyas get hurt.

16 Comments on “What sucks: These are the jokes, people?

  1. “Other than that, did you enjoy the parade Mrs. Kennedy?”

    Making fun of the deliberate murder of the President of the United States, and the first Catholic to hold such an office? Yeah, that’s all in good fun, right? But making fun of the tsunami and/or 9/11 isn’t?

    Looks like offensiveness is apparently in the eye of the beholder here at Vox.

  2. The first two weeks of “What sucks” were written an ironic undertone. This is just preachy.

  3. There are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians: JFK, AIDS, the Holocaust. The Lincoln Assassination just recently became funny. “I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head.” And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It’s one of my dreams.

  4. I have to echo those people who’ve said that giving these team names attention is just “feeding the trolls.” The whole point of the team names seems to be people trying to be outrageous and shock everyone.

    By the way, the Kennedy one? Hilarious, yes, and the one that made me laugh the hardest…but don’t we have some Kennedy relatives on campus, either as students or just as residents of the area? Anyone consider that they might have a problem with your making a joke about the murder of one of their relatives? If you’re going to condemn names that are offensive, you need to consider that the definition of “offensive” spreads beyond “things that offend you” and can often include “things that you find funny.”

  5. Did you ever think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, people at Tombs know you’re writing about trivia names. This isn’t an exposé, it’s a comedy article.

  6. Prison Mike,

    It’s been 22.3 years…AIDS is now funny!

  7. As a professional troll, let me say I am shocked by the low quality of the jokes offered here. I take great pride and expend great effort in my work of ceaselessly mocking people (if GUSA senators, bros and various species of hippie can be called people). The thoughtless gutter trash who think ragging on the defenseless is funny are not only morally repugnant, but comedically lazy. Mocking the powerful and visible elements of our campus is a worthy and difficult pursuit, mocking the weak is as sad as it is easy.

    That being said, feeding the trolls is a very bad idea. If you really want to change this Molly, don’t bring your laptop to Trivia. Tell the lazy idiots who churn these jokes out by the dozen how much this hurts you and force them to look you in the eyes while they do it. Mocking people who can’t confront you is easy, but facing people is hard and I doubt any of these filthy creatures possess the constitution to do that.

  8. What were your thoughts on \Come on, Eileen\?

  9. I’ve been getting jokes about that song since…actually, I’m pretty sure my aunt made a joke about it on the card she sent my mom congratulating her on having a baby. I’ve embraced it by now. So, to answer your question – in the moment, my thoughts were: “Oh, God,” “That’s pretty funny,” and “Time to accept high-fives from the people at my table.”

  10. I have to say, up until this point I rather agreed with Vox and was glad to see their efforts. However, the fact that you’re approving of the Kennedy joke just goes to undermine your point and show that what is and isn’t offensive is really just a subjective call. Who is to say that the assassination of a President, which literally brought millions to tears across the globe, is not offensive, but a tsunami is? You really undermine your own point here.

    You should have just offered some constructive criticism about how some names crossed a line. Instead, you’ve gone on a mission to define that line and ultimately just shown how blurry the line can be.

  11. None of you sound like anyone I’d be interested in having a beer with.

  12. To be fair to Molly and the fine bloggers at Vox Populi (who are usually great when you ignore garbage like these article), JFK was a man, so it’s fine to make fun of violence committed against him, up to and including blowing his brains out.

    I’m also very proud of the honor of having the first place prize named after me. This is going on the resume.

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