Need a job? Be Jack DeGioia’s personal assistant

When anyone at Georgetown thinks “personal assistant,” the first person to jump to mind is Charlie Cooper, the then-sophomore who in fall 2009 became the man behind the Student Employment Office posting heard ’round the world.

This time around, though, someone a little closer to the top is seeking a personal assistant to help him out with his everyday duties and transportation needs (and not his laundry): University President Jack DeGioia.

After apparently failing to find a sufficient candidate on Craigslist, a recent job posting on Georgetown’s Human Resources website finds the University seeking a “Special Assistant to the President” (sounds official, no?) to work “with discretion and flexibility” for President DeGioia.The duties are listed in a way that is both vague and enjoyably alliterative, as it calls for someone capable of “assembling, assimilating, and analyzing briefing materials.”

No word as to whether rejected or unworthy applicants will face the wrath of Dino Jack, but we really hope so.

5 Comments on “Need a job? Be Jack DeGioia’s personal assistant

  1. I only have one question for you Vox Populi. Do you see my hat? No? That’s because I just threw it in the ring.

    Dwight K. Schrute, III
    C/O Shrute Farms, Main Street, Honesdale, PA 18431
    (T) 570-555-1212

    • To become the Special Assistant President of Georgetown University

    Professional Experience
    Dunder Mifflin Paper Co., Inc., A Division of Sabre, Scranton, PA 2005-present
    Sales Representative/Former Assistant [to the] Regional Manager
    Micro-cap regional paper and office supply distributer
    • Close more sales with revenues totaling more US dollars than any other employee, past, present, or future (projected)
    • Act as Regional Manager’s eyes and ears, and right hand, overseeing and reporting on employee conduct, productivity and arrival/departure
    • Instituted “Schrute Bucks” reward system, immeasurably raising office morale
    • Serve as self-appointed enforcer of The Rules (Policies and Procedures Manual)

    Schrute Farms, Honesdale, PA 1980 – Present
    General Manager (concurrent with Dunder Mifflin / Sabre role)
    A family-owned 60-acre (240,000-square-meter) working beet farm
    • Manage operations at the #1 beet-related agritourism B&B destination in Northeastern PA
    • Provide fine accommodations for beet enthusiasts in themed guest rooms representing “America”
    • Meet or exceed beet needs of local stores, restaurants, and roadside stands
    • Facilitate recreational activities including but not limited to manure dodge ball, fresh butter statue sculpting, and beet syrup and rum making.

    Scranton University, Scranton, PA 1992
    • Bachelor’s Degree, Business Administration
    • GPA: 2.99987

    Specialized Skills
    • Willingness to do anything to close a sale and/please higher-ups
    • Resistance to germs, viruses, fungi, and most other health threats
    • Ability to raise and lower own cholesterol at will
    • Others too numerous to mention

  2. Oh for god sakes. He’s texting me his resume one line at a time. You’re costing me 10 cents dumbass!

  3. @Dwight Are you sure that’s not University of Scranton? Because they’re Jesuit, so that might get you extra points ;)

  4. Sooo.. Someone’s going to submit applications for Jennifer Altemus and Lenore Rubino right?

  5. Pingback: Vox Populi » Comments of the Week: Cruel intentions

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