Earlier this month, the Combos brand—that’s right, the people who make those weird, artificially cheesy pretzel snack things—released their third annual list of the United States’s “50 Manliest Cities.” And although the District scored ninth in 2010, this year our city has taken by far the biggest plummet on the chart, landing us at an embarrassing #42. The verdict—too many cupcakes and not enough NASCAR.
According to their website, the rankings are based on a series of highly scientific, highly stereotypical masculine criteria, including sports, “Manly Lifestyle” (which includes such factors as pick-up truck registry and abundance of fishing), and sales of Combos, because obviously, women don’t eat pretzels. These standards were used to analyze the 50 biggest metropolitan areas in the country, and those were ranked according to their as-determined man score.
And it’s true, D.C. doesn’t exactly fit a lot of those criteria. We don’t have any nearby NASCAR tracks, and one walk down M Street justifies our embarrassing score of #45 on the “Concentration of Manly Retail Stores,” as there isn’t a “western/cowboy apparel store” as far as the eye can see. But where we really take a hit is in the final category, entitled “Manly ‘Kryptonite/Emasculating Criteria.” There, we scored a whopping #9, getting docked manly points for, according to NBC Washington, such castrating characteristics as our famous abundance of cupcakeries and cafes.
And as it houses exponentially more bakeries than biker bars, we think if they divided this ranking up according to neighborhoods, Georgetown would have the lowest MQ (Man Quotient) of them all. To up our factor, we advise every dude waiting for hours in line for a two-bite-sized frosted cake in a pink box to immediately cross the street to Rhino and start a bar fight.
Photo from Washington City Paper.