You’ve probably been to one of D.C.’s douchiest bars, but probably not one of the least
“Douchey” is a adjective that gets thrown around a lot in D.C.—it is, after all, chock full of politicians. But as we all know, that designation doesn’t confine itself to the Hill, and, in many cases, a person’s douche score will automatically increase whenever he or she enters an establishment where alcohol is sold. Complex quantified this phenomenon last week, when it released a list of the “25 Douchiest Bars in D.C.”
But don’t fret, Georgetown. Just because a place mostly frequented by tools from GW took #1, that doesn’t mean Georgetown didn’t get some love, too. The bronze medal went to Smith Point, that tiny place on Wisconsin that you’d never guess was ridiculously exclusive. George snagged #8, with Complex stereotypically suggesting that the requested attire is “the proper polo, salmon pants, and the appropriate loafer.” And, no surprise at all, our very own Rhino Bar and Pumphouse snagged a respectable #16. Here’s a snippet of their stunningly accurate description:
This is the type of place where you’ll find some unfortunate soul doubled over in a puddle of his own puke and tears (and possibly urine) after his team takes a Saturday L. As far as sports bars go, this is the place where dreams go to die. Like any stinking pit of bodies, it gives off that unclean feeling, like you’ll have to soak your hands in sanitizer for an hour afterwards—even if you didn’t touch anything.
Soak your hands? Try your entire body.
In response to this list, Brightest Young Things defended the cred of our city with a list of their own, which ran down the District’s least douchey watering holes. Not a single Georgetown bar made this list, despite BYT‘s accusation that Complex‘s list reaffirmed the stereotype of the neighborhood being “too preppy and too Republican.” Better luck next time, Thirds.
But maybe the most interesting part of the list was the single overlap: The Black Cat’s Red Room made both. Complex called it “reminiscent of the gateway to hell that you’ll remember from the original Amityville Horror,” while BYT hailed it as “a casual, cover-free destination when bar hopping along the spine of 14th Street.”