Just the Tip: Spring break, missing the mojitos already

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Dear Emlyn,

So, like many of my friends at other colleges, I planned a spring break trip to Panama City Beach so I could get drunk on the beach for a week with my friends. But everyone at Georgetown seems to be planning on using the break to volunteer and stuff. Am I a bad person for not wanting to do service? And what should I tell my social-justice nerd friends?

Love,
Beach Blackout

Hey Blackout,

Volunteering is awesome and can be a transformative experience, but sometimes you just need a damn vacation. I mean how else are you going to get a new profile picture in your bikini? Don’t count out ASB or some other volunteer opportunity for next time, but going to the beach every now and again is nothing to stress over. Tell your social justice nerd friends that you have been stretched thin this semester and needed to take some time to unwind before going insane. I’m sure everyone’s been there and will understand. You probably realize that a few self-important people may think they’re better than you, because they’ve been super charitable and you just drank mojitos all break. But never fear! Remember that anyone who tries to make themselves look like a martyr for doing service is automatically an asshole. You win twice over, because 1) you can sassily remind them that service is supposed to be a selfless act and 2) you drank mojitos all break.

Read the next question and submit your own queries to Emlyn after the jump!

Hey Emlyn,

So there’s this really cute girl who I kind of like. We DFMO’d at a party last week, so I’ll take that as a sign that things are going well. Believe it or not, that was my first kiss! And I get the feeling she’ll want to keep hooking up; just today we kissed again (yay second kiss!). The only issue is that I work closely with her on editing a publication and probably will for the next 3+ years. How do I keep this secret relationship from affecting our work?

Thanks,
froshloverboy

P.S. Any kissing/hookup tips are welcome since I’m new to this and all.

Hey froshloverboy,

Although perhaps not pertaining to your question, the first order of business is to make up another first kiss story. Just in case. Don’t get me wrong, you have nothing to be ashamed of and some one the most special relationships begin at Brown House (I, for example, once happened upon someone peeing in the corner there. I never learned his name, but will forever remember that moment with him). But you don’t want your kids/grandkids learning about DFMOs too early. That’s how Ke$ha fans happen. So just in case they ask you about it at much too early of an age, invent a version of your first kiss that happened at a duck pond or a Limited Too. It’s good to be prepared.

But now on to the real problem–how will your work on this publication stay up to par as you enjoy your third and fourth and seven hundredth kiss? Mixing work and love is probably something you two should talk about because it can be pretty tricky, but I don’t think it’s impossible. Did you know that the co-owners of Crumbs Bake Shop began the business when they were dating? They’re married now and Crumbs is still stoopid good, so I’m guessing things didn’t suck for them all too much.  Just make sure you’re upfront with each other about how much you want from this relationship and how you’d like things to go in a working context: How many other people working on the publication should know about the two of you? What’s the basic game plan if things go sour? What if you have to battle to the death for the position of Editor-in-Chief way down the road? Talk about these things together, and good luck. There’s really no guarantee that it’ll be smooth sailing, but that’s the case with most hookups/relationships anyway. Have at it.

As for kissing/hookup tips, I will refer you to these detailed instructions about how to kiss. Print it out and bring it with you for the next hookup, preferably pre-highlighted. It’s really really good to be prepared.

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