Just the Tip: Prefrosh Edition #2

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Emlyn,

Is everyone at Georgetown really good-looking? I’ve heard some conflicting reports.

—Prefrosh

Dearest Prefrosh,

Yep, Georgetown doesn’t have too many uggos. There are lots of days where it seems like everyone has a closet full of clothes from Zara and shiny hair that they wash with horse shampoo. You think I’m kidding, but I am not. Georgetown students do werq to look good. I’ve seen people wear sweatpants to class maaaaaybe ten times total, and I’m going to be a junior.

You’ll probably get used to it pretty fast, and only recognize how unusual it is when friends come to visit and are constantly gaping in awe at everybody walking around. Again, I am not kidding—last fall I had two friends from JMU come to visit, and pretty much every time a male passed they were like “OH MY GOD!!! WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE COMING FROM!?!” How am I supposed to know, JMU friends? Probably New Jersey or some shit. Quit gaping and haul your ass to Wisey’s for oreo cookies, a sea of Nantucket reds can’t be that impressive.

As you might expect, this can be pretty tiresome depending on what kind of person you are. I don’t have the money, determination, or self-discipline to be attractive all the damn time. I haven’t spent more than a minute a day on my hair since 2007 and I have several clothing items that I’ve owned since middle school, as opposed to a closet full of Zara/yoga pants. So I guess I’m one of the uggos. Whatever. Nothing can be as bad as some of the people painted in the Leo’s mural, they all look like they’re permanently constipated.

Dear Emlyn,

Everyone I know is telling me it is a horrible idea to stay with my boyfriend from high school when we leave for college. Do you think they are right?

—Nervous Nellie

Hey Nellie,

I wouldn’t say horrible is the word. Perhaps doomed. LOL. Just kidding, maybe.

I actually don’t think that idea is definitively horrible or great or doomed. The obnoxious but true answer is that it’s different for every couple. For most, yeah, it’s probably a horrible idea. But maybe you guys aren’t like most, how should I know? Maybe Cupid made him just for you in Cupid Heaven or whatever. Maybe you’re the type of people that will really value sharing your separate experiences with each other, and want to talk to each other all the time despite meeting new people and seeing new things, and consider each other/the long distance worth it. If that’s the case, why not be ballsy and give it a try?

You might not know what the right thing to do is until you get here, and that’s totally fine. Who says you have to decide everything by move-in day? Going to college is a massive change and you can’t really conceive of it before it happens—your world is probably about to get so much bigger and funner and weirder and grosser. SO much grosser. There are so many cheese substitutes you have yet to try at Leo’s, so many boys you have yet to see pissing in the corner of Brown House.

You’re not a girl, not yet a woman, if you will. So, overwhelmed by the prospect of college, you could be all like “Well, what if we just grow apart?” or “What if he starts becoming interested in different Burnett’s flavors than the ones I like?”… but what’s the point in what iffing? All it’s going to do is make you nervous and less sure about everything. Just cut the what iffing, take your time, and ~d0 wh@t u f331~, because no one knows exactly what your relationship/college experience is like besides you. And all the angels in Cupid Heaven.

Amen.

Note that all submissions become the exclusive property of the Georgetown Voice, which reserves the right to edit for clarity and length.

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