Just the Tip: Metaphysical discourse with a chance of intercourse

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Submit your questions and deepest, darkest secrets to Caitríona at the bottom of the form.

“Dear Caitríona,
Every time I introduce myself to a pretty lady at a pregame, I find that she has a boyfriend at the house party. And then it gets awk afterward. How do I escape the limbo of my singularity?
Best regards,
Stuck In Limbo”

Dear Stuck in Limbo,

Wow, I have heard this question so many times. I think it would be most efficient for me to give you my step-by-step, fool proof guide to ditching the single life:

Step 1: Wake up! Even if the girl you met at the house party was single, do you seriously think it’s likely that you’ll get a relationship from a one night stand? It’s possible, but improbable. If you like to hit it and quit it, then house parties are definitely your scene. But if you’d rather stay and play look elsewhere for love sweetheart.

Step 2: That’s the only step.

Happy Hunting,
Caitríona

“Dear Caitríona,
I have a crush on this girl, but every time we walk together by ourselves down M Street to get free Georgetown cupcakes, I find that we just can’t keep up a natural conversation. We never talk about anything deep. It’s been like this since September. I feel like our relationship can’t advance beyond the current level of superficiality. What should I do?
Best regards,
Razzle-dazzled”

Hey Razzle-dazzled,

Make an ass of yourself. Seriously, make an ass of yourself. There is no better way to assuage the fear that you might embarrass yourself than by actually embarrassing yourself. To clarify, I’m telling you to make an ass of yourself, not to be an ass. By that I mean try talking about something frivolous or letting a few of your awkward mannerisms come out into the open (show discretion when you choose which mannerisms). If you put yourself in a vulnerable position, she will probably let her guard down and show you who she is beyond the airbrushed outer shell that most people on this campus walk around with 24/7. This method won’t get you deep immediately, but being truly comfortable with someone definitely helps make some metaphysical discourse flow.

Let loose,
Caitríona

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