Just the tip: Dip Ball’s coming up and Jon Huntsman reveals all

Submit your questions and deepest, darkest secrets to Caitríona at the bottom of the form.

Caitríona,
I’m a gay man. There, I said it. Only thing is, I’m afraid to say it anywhere that’s not anonymous. I want to come out to my friends, and I’m pretty sure they’ll be accepting about it. Do you have any tips on how to do this?”

-Leaving the Closet

Dear Leaving the Closet,

I’m gay. I am gay. I. AM. GAY. I enjoy intercourse with other men…. Jeez. No matter how many ways I say that, I can’t seem to find a way to make it roll off the tongue.  I guess there’s really no way to make that kind of announcement subtly. I think the best way to go about this is to realize that your sexuality is nobody’s goddamn business but your own, so if you’re at peace with yourself, nothing else really matters. You may have to say goodbye to a few losers, but you’ll find that your true friends will love you no matter what. (I think I just threw up a little…I’m not used to being so cheesy and sentimental.)

Okay, now that my little Kodak moment is over, don’t feel like you have to go around informing people that you’re gay unless you actually want to. It’s not their right to know, and it shouldn’t matter anyway. You don’t owe them that information. But if you genuinely want to let them know, you don’t need to make it a huge to-do. Simply starting up a conversation about your friends’ ex-lovers or crushes could be a good way to do it casually without making anyone feel uncomfortable.

Be cool man,

Caitríona

Hey Caitríona,

There’s this girl I want to take to Dip Ball this year who keeps on rejecting my overtures. She’s married to her work, and won’t make time for me! How do I get to look at me instead of at her papers?

Sincerely,

Jon Huntsman, Jr., Frmr. U.S. Ambassador to China

Oh, so you mean your stories about the mysteries of the Utahan countryside didn’t leave her swooning? Also, why are you, a full grown man who is married, asking someone to a dance at Georgetown? I’d watch your back, Jonny boy. Your wife doesn’t seem too pleased with you.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself,

Caitríona

7 Comments on “Just the tip: Dip Ball’s coming up and Jon Huntsman reveals all

  1. Caitríona:

    Firstly – it should not be “your gay” but “you’re gay” in your reply to Leaving the Closet.

    Secondly – if you think Gov. Huntsman would actually write a letter to somebody like you looking for advice, then your grammatical error is obviously just the tip of the iceberg.

  2. @Bob4683

    She’s clearly joking. Perhaps your comment is just the tip of the iceberg if your stupidity.

  3. Get it right JJG. It is “in” not “if”. Come back after Happy Hour, you’ll do better.

  4. @Bob4683

    Isn’t it “of” not “in”? With JJG at happy hour too, I suppose?

  5. Happy hour > bickering with you over vox comments. Unfortunately, I’m writing a paper and am not at happy hour. Bickering seems better than writing my paper, though.

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