What would CNN newscasters reporting on the Malaysia airlines flight say: This week’s movie releases

In this week’s list of movie previews, Vox thought it would be a good idea to use the words of what is perhaps the loudest, most continuously incessant aspect of media today: CNN reporters’ infamous coverage of the Malaysia airlines flight that went missing almost three weeks ago.

CNN reporters have speculated about the possibility of terrorism, difficulties in flight, a “ghost” flight, black holes, a Bermuda Triangle, a Lost-type situation, the use of psychics, and more. Jon Stewart said the coverage, surprisingly, has doubled the channel’s ratings: “the only thing less likely than an airplane disappearing out of the sky is CNN’s ratings doubling.”

So here are this week’s movie releases, in the words of the ever-imaginative CNN reporters.


Russell Crowe is in a serious movie based on a famous Bible story. It’ll be action-packed and super religious people will be mad. Woah, wait. That trailer was actually kind of good. And Emma Watson’s in it?! Okay it might just have potential as a movie loosely based on the Bible story.

CNN reporters’ take: “Speculation is OK, it’s natural, as long as it’s labeled that way. Because none of us really knows – I mean, we’re really operating without any strong facts.”


Arnold Schwarzenegger is playing a serious character? Oh oops, Vox thought it was supposed to be a comedy ’til a bunch of DEA agents died in the trailer. Oh yea, and it’s about a drug cartel he’s trying to bust.

CNN reporters’ take: “If you’re rubbing elbows with them at the hotel you’re going to bump into them in the hallway.”

3 Comments on “What would CNN newscasters reporting on the Malaysia airlines flight say: This week’s movie releases

  1. I’ve mentioned this before, but I find these posts endlessly entertaining. Never stop them.

  2. Yep, that’s my bad. I was having trouble finding a screening in DC this weekend, but now I see that there are.

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