Just the Tip: Use protection, son

Dear Connor,

Dad?

Sincerely,
Dad Daddy

Dear Dad Daddy,

No. Assuming that you’re a Georgetown student, you shouldn’t try to become a father this early in your life. Just because you can do it doesn’t mean that you should do it. Let me tell you a little personal story that may get this message through to you.

Back when I was in college in the late 1950s, I was going steady with a girl that I thought I loved. Really, boy, I was on cloud 9 whenever I was with her. We talked the same, thought the same, went everywhere together, did everything together, and that includes foolin’ around at the drive-in. Yes, back in my day, I was one hot pepper. Anyway, I got my girl pregnant at a late night showing of Some Came Running (you know, the picture with Dean Martin and Sinatra), and out came little Christopher Terry in August of ’59, a little bundle of joy that I immediately regretted. How was I going to finish my junior year of college while caring for Christopher Terry and my girl? Long story short, I abandoned my family and I am now a successful businessman, but faking your own death is a lot more difficult now than it used to be, so you can’t really take my path.

Bottom line, don’t do it.

Genesis 25:30,
Connor

Dearest Rohan,

I have the most embarrassing problem that I unfortunately can no longer ignore. Due to the poor arrangement of my academic schedule my eating times are all “out of whack.” I find myself eating at 8 in the morning only to eat again around 3 in the afternoon. As such, I have terrible, gut wrenching indigestion all day. I fear that my classmates can tell, nay smell, my discomfort. Please, oh sage of wisdom, tell me what I should do.

Signed,
Gassed.

Dear Gassed,

Buy some Gas X and put some granola bars in your backpack or something. You know the problem and the solution is simple.

Stay wavy,
Connor

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