Just the Tip: The great bagel caper

Dear Connor,

I have something of a moral dilemma. Meal swipes at Einstein’s Bagels get you a fruit cup or yogurt, a piece of fruit, and a drink. That’s fucking ridiculous. My meal swipe is worth about $14 on my block meal plan. The amount of food you’re allowed to take barely amounts to half that amount of money. So I steal extra food from Einstein’s all the time. I mean every time I go I take about double what is allowed. Is this wrong?

Thanks,
Give Me Bagels

Dear Give Me Bagels,

The most egregious crime here is Georgetown’s practice of strong-arming students into purchasing unjustifiably expensive meal plans, not your taking of food. This isn’t even a case of “eye for an eye,” as the abuse that students suffer at the hands of Georgetown Dining and Aramark far outweighs anything that students acting as individuals can do. So, with regard to your theft, I say, do what you want at your own risk for getting caught. You could even ramp it up a notch. Take enough bagels to fill a warehouse or to build a really gross raft. Ultimately, dining here is an abysmal mark of avaricious shame on an otherwise wonderful university; until they start to show some respect for students, I say that there‚Äôs no reason to respect Georgetown Dining.

The End,
Connor

Dear Connor,

After reading the administration’s email about Ebola, I am very scared. They said we need to report any visitors we have from West African countries with Ebola outbreaks. My friend who’s visiting not only came from West Africa but also has Ebola. What should I do? I don’t want to get written up.

Sincerely,
Sorry I’m Not Sorry

Dear Sorry I’m Not Sorry,

Nah.

Uh, nope.
Connor

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