Vox’s Newest Serial: If I were GUSA President…

If there is one thing we all learned from the past few weeks, it is that the 2015 GUSA Executive Election was the quintessential embodiment of good ol’ popular democracy. Georgetown has proven to be a place where not only can one run on a sophisticated platform of mapping the underground tunnels, stationing knights as doorholders, and abolishing the steam whistle, but such a platform can even lead to an electoral victory!

In keeping with the namesake of this blog, Vox wants to know: what would you do if you were GUSA President? Every week, she will be taking submissions from her readers, commenting on their platforms, and evaluating them with a letter grade. Here is the first one brought to you by “Arnold Palmer”.

As a long time reader/commenter on Vox Populi, I have been known as Arnold Palmer. After not voting in the GUSA election for the 21st year in a row, I found myself first wondering, what does the GUSA President even do? And furthermore, what would I do if given unchecked, unlimited power over the Georgetown campus? I quickly realized that I wouldn’t add anything, but only abolish (as my genetic constitution disposes me to only destroy and never create). This is the list I came up with:

 

1) The Corp: Overpriced, not really that great coffee. Let me know if anyone can think of some redeeming qualities.

 

2) Bean Boots: Sure they are practical, handmade, and look cool, but there is something about them that pisses me off. Maybe I’m projecting my own insecurities on others? But I also may be on to something.

 

3) Boyfriends: It seems like every girl I meet has a boyfriend. Either I’m very unlucky or there are too many relationships. Nix ’em ladies.

 

4) Bottled Water: Something that has never made sense and never will.

 

5) Science: Can’t believe we have two buildings for Science, one building for Health studies (which is basically science), and an entire medical school/hospital. Allocate your resources where it matters, Georgetown.

 

6) GUSA: Obviously I would create a new avenue from which I could maintain my power. The idea of free elections and term limits is not conducive to my plans for the future.

 

7) Calling anything/everything an internship: Hoya A – “Yeah I just got this sweet dog walking internship with a VP at World Bank” Hoya B – “Nice! I just got an internship with the Banana Republic on M street.”

 

8) “Fraternities”?: These just seem like a joke. Maybe I’ll keep them for my own entertainment.

 

9) Saxby’s: I think everyone can agree upon this. I didn’t think anything could more lame than the Corp, but much like the taste of their coffee, Saxby’s lack of identity was an unpleasant surprise.

 

10) Sales Restrictions: Not only can my friends not buy proper birth control on campus, but I can’t buy a sufficient amount of Sudafed for all my colds.

 

I can’t promise I will abolish all of these things when elected GUSA President next year, but I can promise that I will abolish at least 5. Let me know which 5 you think we (I) should abolish next year.”

While Vox definitely agrees with many elements of this platform, she is wary of getting rid of both the Corp AND Saxby’s. How else will she fuel her coffee addiction consumption?

She fully supports the idea of getting rid of bean boots. (But definitely not because she is jealous that she doesn’t have any.) To improve upon this part of the platform, she would implement a rule that all Hoyas must own a pair of blue and gray toe shoes, which are much more practical for navigating the treacherous campus terrain.

Additionally, she would only be in support of the abolition of term limits if it was for her own political gain so she can rightfully ascend to the throne.

Grade: B+

Submit what you would do if you were GUSA President here:

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