If I were GUSA President…

To help you procrastinate even more for your midterms, Vox presents the second-ever “If I were GUSA President”. Every week, she will take submissions from her readers, comment on their hypothetical platforms, and evaluate them with a letter grade.

Here is what one of your fellow Hoyas would do if they were GUSA President and what Vox has to say about it:

As my first order of business, I would enact the Hoyas Against Self-Importance Initiative (HASII). This would dissolve all institutions of Georgetown douchebaggery, including but not limited to: the Corp, GUASFCU, the SFS, the Hoya, that “Become the 1%” investment club thing, GUGS, the College Republicans, the College Democrats, all “secret” “societies”, and, of course, GUSA itself.

Now that’s the kind of Georgetown I want my children to attend someday.

Okay now hold up just a second here. Vox is definitely behind the eradication of Self-Importance from campus; however, as an SFSer, she thinks that our dear friend here accidentally confused schools when referring to “Georgetown douchebaggery”.

But then again, in regard to the “Become the 1%” investment club thing, Vox doesn’t know whether it would be better to simply get rid of it, or to ask all of its members to compile their secrets into a comprehensive manual titled “How to Get Rich Quick for Non-MSBros“.

One major Georgetown problem that this platform addresses is the restricting political affiliation-binary that the existence of the Republican and Democrat clubs creates. This environment leads to the exclusion of all three of the registered Independents on campus (including Vox) as well as our fellow Hoyas proudly supporting the Green Party.

Although Vox is sympathetic to the concerns of tofu consumers on campus, she feels strongly that dissolving GUGS would be a blatant act of discrimination against carnivores. #Hoyas for Hamburgers!

Finally, in order to both improve this platform and advocate for greater transparency within the student body, Vox suggests forcing all members of “secret” “societies” to wear t-shirts that say “Don’t ask me about the Stewards”.

All in all, while it takes a noble stand against elitism and “douchebaggery”, this platform needs a bit more consideration before being taken to the GUSA big-league.

Grade: B minus.

Want your prospective GUSA platform to be featured? Submit your ideas below for next week’s “If I were GUSA President…”

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