Vox’s Single of the Week: Johnny Jung

As a continuation of Voxs Single of the Week, we sat down with College freshman and Voice staff member Johnny Jung and discussed everything from March Madness to crippling allergies to pistachios.

Vox: Hey Johnny, what’s your ASL? (age, sex, location)

Johnny: 18, but 22 on the weekends. Male. Gaithersburg, Maryland. Shoutout MoCo.

Vox: Where do you call home?

Johnny: The world is my home, but Darnall 318 is where I take my slumber.

Vox: No I mean literally when you call your parents to tell them you’re making a good use of your tuition dollars by doing all your Bib Lit readings, do you use a payphone? Or are you more of a cell phone in the hallway kinda guy?

Johnny: I take laps in the hallway. Consider this my formal apology to all of Darnall 3.

Vox: If you could use three phrases to describe yourself, which three would you NOT use?

Johnny: I can make a winning March Madness bracket, I look good in hats, and I ace my chem exams. None of these statements are true, especially the last one, as I learned this week.

Vox: How could such a not good at making march madness brackets guy who doesn’t look good in hats and is not good at chem exams as I learned this week guy like yourself be single? Essentially, why are you single?

Johnny: If feel like if I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn’t be doing this interview  *single tear emoji face*

Vox: What do you look for in a romantic partner?

Johnny: One, good teeth. It says a lot about someone, their attention to detail, care for personal hygiene, sometimes socioeconomic background. To quote rap icon Juvenile, “Let ‘em know it’s flossin’ season everywhere”.

Two, humor. You can’t be crying after I tell a joke I probably shouldn’t have. That just makes me look bad. And…I would prefer that she, like myself, is Peruvian-born Korean. Ceviche and kimchi complement each other surprisingly well. What else…make sure she buys three-plus-ply. Three-plus-ply, say that eight times fast. I’m looking for a girl who is frugal, but can splurge on things that matter. Yeah, I’d say those are pretty straightforward. I don’t like having preconceived rules set for others.

Vox: How about your worst date ever?

The worst date I ever had. That’s easy. Oh wait, is that easy? Okay, so we went to a Greek restaurant. We ordered some dessert pastry, one to share. Because y’know that’s the cute thing to do when you are on a date. So we’re eating, and all of a sudden, well actually more like over the span of 15 minutes, she starts breaking out in hives, and starts coughing. I’m like oh s**t, what the f**k is on your face. I ask ‘Are you allergeric to something’ and she says ‘nothing that I’ve eaten, I’m allergic to pollen… and pistachios”. Yeah, it was definitely the pistachios.

Vox: Oh man.

Johnny: Like pistachio butter, pistachio bits, and this is weird because you think she would have seen it earlier. But hey, nothing a little Benadryl can’t solve. So yeah, there were a lot of things that could have gone a lot better, but #life.

Vox: Did you go on a second date?

Johnny: No. I felt that my future with her and my fondness for pistachios were mutually exclusive.

Vox: Would you consider Epicurean a reasonable place for a first date with a Georgetown student?

Johnny: If it is 2 am on a Saturday night and you may or may not be inebriated sharing life over one lamp-heated slice of pizza. Other than that, I’d like to think that everyone can do better.

Vox: How about your spirit animal?

Johnny: Is mayonnaise a spirit animal?

Vox: If you had to be an inanimate object, what would you be?

Johnny: I would be an upscale candle?

Vox: Why?

Johnny: B**ches love candles. Peach Bellini, am I right ladies?

Vox: Any closing thoughts for all those single ladies out there?

Johnny: Being honest is like blowing chunks. It’s often necessary, you feel better afterwards, and a lot of people will probably hate you for it.

If you are interested in getting to know Johnny, email Theo at tmm74 [at] georgetown.edu.

Photo: Theo Montgomery/The Georgetown Voice

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