Looks like all those hours at Yates finally paid off, as Georgetown ranked 18th in the 2006 “fittest colleges” edition of Men’s Fitness.  The rankings were based on a 17-question survey that took into account student diets, life habits (i.e. smoking) and of course exercise.  Sweet.

The top college, Dickinson, requires four phys ed classes for graduation (two for varsity athletes).  I don’t know exactly how they operate them, but I think requiring a couple of one-credit gym classes over the course of four years isn’t such a bad idea.  Cura personalis, right?  Besides, I’ve seen people get winded after climbing up the Village C steps.  Not good.

I have always thought we’re a pretty attractive campus overall.  Now it’s a scientific fact.

Posted by Mike Stewart, Feature Editor

A campus-wide keg ban is, as the Voice has reported, suddenly a real possibility. With that in mind, check out this fine piece of journalism coming out of Harvard, where a similar keg ban went so poorly it was revoked. While finely-tuned b.s. detectors will start beeping wildly by the end of the first paragraph, by the fourth or fifth they’ll be going seismic.

Beginning with the argument that Harvard students should be more mature than their peers at other colleges (apparently daddy’s trust fund is a real character-builder), the writer comes to the conclusion that the Harvard administration is justifiably trying to get students more drunk and put them in more dangers so they’ll learn their lesson and not drink anymore. Let’s hope that gem shows up on the next admissions brochure, right below a picture of smiling students of every race getting kidney transplants. Here’s where that Ivy League brilliance really shines through, though (after the jump):

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Except for the occasional blustery dissident, no one really argues over golf’s sporthood anymore. It’s become a given. All that means, however, is that it’s one more sport the United States sucks at.

Our country has been in freefall on the international sports stage for a while now, and this weekend’s resounding defeat at the Ryder Cup, golf’s biannual U.S.-vs.-Europe World Series, only reinforces the point. Really, what do we have left? We’ve never had soccer, and with Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi gone tennis is looking bleak as well. It looked like we had cycling for a while, but it turned out the steroids were the real winner there.

The real punches to the gut, though, are basketball and baseball. These are sports WE MADE UP. When I made up games as a little kid, you could be damn sure I was going to win them. And our latest basketball defeat? The powerhouse Greeks, who celebrated by chugging olive oil, I think. There’s a country that’s been a real player on the world stage in the last 2000 years, right?

Looks like the only thing we have left is American football. Maybe we should continue to guard that from the rest of the world, for our own sakes.

Posted by Mike Stewart, Feature Editor

After you read the Voice’s editorial about improving DPS training and working conditions after last weekend’s startling events, consider the campus-wide e-mail sent this morning.

It seems the university response is:
1. More DPS officers around at night.
2. More ResLife staffers milling about dorms and apartments.
3. Senior university officials milling about campus late at night.

While I’m not entirely sure what a senior university official or ResLife staffer can do stop a man wielding a pipe, it’s understandable that some stepped-up efforts would be made. It’s the thinly-veiled warning that parties aren’t going to last as long that follows that is a bit troubling.

I’m not trying to advocate for partying like idiots, but I also don’t want martial law on Georgetown’s campus. The warnings against holding large parties and advertising on Facebook seem less like innocuous advice and more like a threat that parties will be broken up more readily than before. The danger of this becoming a de facto on-campus curfew is obvious.

While we, as students, should appreciate the stepped-up safety efforts, we need to remember a couple of things. First, we live in a city where crime is going to happen no matter what. Severely limiting it is a reasonable goal; stamping it out is an impossibility. Second, violent crime has long been the exception, not the rule, on the average weekend. While we never want to see a repeat the events of this past weekend, we also should remember-and feel lucky-that they don’t occur too often.

In the end, we should heed the words of Benjamin Franklin - “Those who would give up essential liberty for a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

Posted by Mike Stewart, Feature Editor

D.C. is voting for a new mayor Tuesday, and it’s pretty much the only thing I’ve been thinking about for the past two weeks (shameless self-promotion alert).  Here are a couple of things to chew on before the polls open:

1. The Washington Post’s endorsement: I’m not offering my own opinion, but the Post is a good paper.  Of course, their editorial board has been a little loco lately, what with their Lieberman endorsement and all, and they also once endorsed Marion Barry.  Lesson: draw your own opinions.  But, hey, the Post is a good paper.  Just saying.

2. A Washington Post op-ed running today (Monday) about how and why they endorse candidates.  You may use this to illuminate your reading of the previous piece.

 Also, for propriety’s sake, I should let you know I worked for Washington Post-Newsweek Interactive this summer.  Still, it is a good paper.  Despite me.

Posted by Mike Stewart, Feature Editor

To: info@facebook.com
From: Mike Stewart
Subject: DisgraceBook

To Whom It May Concern:

I’m sure you have received many e-mails this morning. I’m also sure you were prepared for that—people naturally resist change, after all, and even during the Revolutionary War a sizeable portion of the population remained Loyalists to the British crown. And those people were so wrong as to resist the foundation of the greatest country the world has ever known! So a little resistance, and un-American resistance at that, is no reason to cower before the Facebook’s sudden facelift, right?

No, fascist. The American Revolution was a glorious uprising in favor of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, not a huge invasion of personal privacy, a Big-Brotherish look into the personal lives of random acquaintances, or just downright creepy. Really, why not just change the site name to 1984.net or Room101.gov? Hell, why should I even have conversations with my friends anymore when I can find out who they slept with last night via your one-stop stalker shop?

I’m sure my high school friends who just ended 3+ year relationships were thrilled to have their dirty laundry aired on all their friends’ facebook homepages this morning. And believe me, I needed nothing more this early afternoon than to find that Person X is no longer in the group “syphilis isn’t so bad,” while so-and-so joined “thong wearers anonymous.” Really, I didn’t think they even let guys in that group.

I’ve long wondered what purpose Facebook served, and now I think the answer is clear: to be creepy. What’s that, I already used the word “creepy?” That’s because it’s the only word I’ve heard anyone use to describe these changes. What’s next, a detailed list of every profile I looked at in the past day? Digital projections of what I must look like naked? Streaming video of a friend’s latest colonoscopy?

Sure, Facebook has served some limited purpose in the past, almost exclusively when there was someone I needed to get in touch with on short notice. I would say 48 hours is a legitimate window for y’all to fix your act before I erase my account and encourage everyone I know to do the same. There’s a reason McDonald’s doesn’t sell foie gras: the practice is cruel. But more importantly, McDonald’s is gross, can’t be trusted, and knows it should stick to things that can only make people moderately ill, like partially white meat chicken. Just give us our partially white meat chicken back, Facebook, and we can learn to peaceably coexist. And the less healthy among us can remain addicted.

Yours,
Mike Stewart

Posted by Mike Stewart, Feature Editor

Made my first pilgrimage march of tears back to Leo’s today … what a ride. Sure, there are all the changes noted by Mr. Keller, but the first thing I noticed were the new giant blue cups, depicted here:

It’s only a matter of time until Leo’s has to hire lifeguards following the near-drowning of an unsuspecting freshman in one of these. And of course the cups are too big to fit on the tray return, another classic Leo’s maneuver. The area in front of the tray rack looked like beer pong leftovers from the Jolly Green Giant. By the way, I actually was able to jam mine on, you lazy jerks.

I also made use of the omelette station for my meal. Yup, omelettes. at. dinner. Glad Leo’s finally tapped into that emerging market. I’ve long held that truth-in-advertising laws mandate calling the dining hall version “egg burritos,” since the meat and veggies are really just wrapped up in an egg condom. And just as messy when it breaks. Less babies, though. On an encouraging note, the salsa-type product is called ‘picante sauce.’ Well, I think it’s for me to brush with some ‘diente goo’ and go to ‘dormir furniture.’

Posted by Mike Stewart, Feature Editor

Get down with Brown!

This needs no explanation.

Posted by Mike Stewart, Features Editor

Might as well get this party started by saying, it’s about time the government caved and let us have all the consequence-free unprotected sex we want (except for the danger of, y’know, AIDS ‘n stuff).  The FDA’s decision on Thursday to permit over-the-counter sales of Plan B birth control to women (and men) over 18, while not actually meant for drunken promgoers who forgot the Trojans, has been a long time coming and makes sense no matter which side of the abortion debate you’re on.  And for those worried about the promiscuous behavior angle, the price ($25-40 per dose) still makes wearing a raincoat to bed (and even shelling out a few extra bucks for the ‘extra-pleasure’ ones) worth it.

What’s likely to be disappointing, though, is Georgetown’s reaction.  The school’s arcane opposition to contraceptives (as if that ever stopped your roommate from sending you to the couch six Saturdays in a row) and birth control should be a hint that the hospital pharmacy might be Plan N for finding this stuff, as in ‘Never gonna happen.’  Should these policies change?  Absolutely.  Will they?  Don’t get your hopes up, especially not with a lot more noise out of students. 

Posted by Mike Stewart, Features Editor