As always, submit your anonymous questions at the end of this post.
A while back a bed buddy and I attempted unsuccessfully to have sex. He was using a lousy condom, the kind you get for free and would never buy on your own, and so we had some trouble … getting it in. Since we didn’t have lube, he suggested—and I’m not kidding—that we could use just about anything, like shampoo. I promptly took sex off the table for that night.
But, it got me thinking: Besides baby oil (because anyone who owns baby oil definitely only bought it for the bedroom) is there any common household product at all that’s orifice-safe if you’re short on real lube?
I’m no lubricant MacGyver, so I’m not even going to try to recommend a lube-focused grocery list. In the time you spend pondering the weird substitutes you might put inside of yourself, though, why not just walk down to CVS and pick up some of the real stuff?
More importantly, your question throws up a bunch of red flags about that cheap-o bed buddy of yours. Free condoms and shampoo as lubricant? Sounds like the kind of kid who only takes you to dinner at Qboba. On half-priced Monday.
Can you actually imagine leaping out of bed mid-hook up to grab a bottle of shampoo from the shower? Then having the debate on whether it’s better than the conditioner? Doesn’t exactly set the mood, if you ask me.
Tell you man friend to lock it down; it won’t break his bank to invest in legitimate lube, and more importantly, the between-the-sheets experience will be much better.