Snooki’s one woman show on the Boardwalk

Jersey Shore “That’s How the Shore Goes”

For the past several days I have been walking around with a Snooki-sized hole in my heart. The end of the Jersey Shore, after nine gloriously melanoma-filled episodes, has left me praying that MTV will reunite America’s favorite Guidos and Guidettes in another drama and hair gel-filled beach house. Until that time, though, we will have to merely cherish the time that we were able to spend together and remember our Gui-dos and Gui-don’ts.

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We were just as shocked as The Situation after this week’s Jersey Shore.

Jersey Shore “What Happens in the AC” & “One Shot”

I don’t know what we did to deserve it, but this week America was treated to back-to-back new episodes of everyone’s favorite Sleazeside Heights denizens. Pour yourself some Ron Ron Juice and gather around as we go over another week’s worth of Gui-dos and Gui-don’ts.

GUI-DO Beware of the girl who is not like all of the rest. Pauly D appeared to be broadening his horizons over these two episodes, as he befriended and attempted to bed Danielle the Israeli. She tried to entice him back to the Holy Land when we learned what may have been one of the least surprising aspects of Pauly D, he doesn’t have a passport.

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Poor Mike. It’s always a shame when your potential hookups get arrested.

The Jersey Shore “Boardwalk Blowups“

In another barren week on the television calendar, Jersey Shore was the shining light once again. After my daily routine of going to the gym, tanning, and doing laundry, I settled down to watch the latest episode and learned a few more Gui-dos and Gui-don’ts of living on the Jersey Shore.

GUI-DO Always let your mom cook and clean for your roommates when she comes to visit. The other roommates had friends and families visit them at the Shore house, and this week was Vinny’s turn. After the small parade of Vinny’s family, Vinny’s mother brought out enough food for a small nation. And during a montage of Vinny’s mother serving everyone and cleaning every corner of the house, Snooki opined on what makes a good Italian woman, which includes a woman who cleans up after everyone else has eaten and afterward eats alone in the kitchen.

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Jersey Shore “Just Another Day at the Shore“

After an interminably long week off, apparently to celebrate the birth of some non-Italian mook, Jersey Shore returned with a new episode on New Year’s Eve. My friends and I gathered around in-home tanning bed for warmth and picked up more pointers about the Gui-dos and Gui-don’ts of living on the Jersey Shore.

GUI-DO Make sure that your hair is ready for all possible catastrophes. While partying at F Cove, Pauly D. informs viewers that his hair is waterproof, windproof, a bunch of other-proofs, and somewhat strangely soccer-proof. I suppose the reasonable assumption here is that Pauly D. means that he could make some headers without messing up his hair or withstand a Zidane headbutt. Personally, I’m torn between Pauly D. claiming that his hair could withstand rioting soccer hooligans or his hair is at the center of a huge Italian match-fixing scandal.

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Better Off Ted “The Lawyer, The Lemur, and the Little Listener“

As we slip into the cold barren period known as “Winter Hiatus,” new shows become more and more infrequent. So every time a show has a new episode in December it is cause for a minor celebration.

That is certainly the way I felt when I learned that Better Off Ted was new this week. Easily the funniest show on television last spring, Better Off Ted has the potential to be a truly great comedy. The two episodes that have premiered these past two weeks have been uneven, but there is enough hilarity in each of them to overcome any weaknesses. Plus there is a new Veridian Dynamics commercial in the most recent episode.

30 Rock “Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001“

30 Rock has been rather lackluster all season, and after the first several episodes people began to whisper that the show was past its prime.

This week’s episode is the best refutation of 30 Rock‘s shark jumping that we have seen all season. We got a coherent set of story lines that were not predicated on Tina Fey trying to show Sarah Palin that there is no “real” America. And we got the single funniest scene of the past several seasons when Pete tries to direct Liz for the opening credits of her “Dealbreakers” talk show. (“Smile … with your mouth”).

Spoilers after the jump.

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Modern Family “Fizbo”

I think that it’s very easy to complain about the overuse of in media res openings in television shows. It has been overused as a cheap way to build suspense and add drama to a situation that normally wouldn’t have any. Needless to say, the opening of this week’s Modern Family had me concerned. The mystery of who would end up in the hospital and what put them there seemed like a ridiculous ploy.

I’m glad to say that Modern Family proved me wrong, and this was easily one of the strongest outings of the season. A birthday party for the perpetually forgotten Luke that leads to Manny learning that he is a man of action and Cameron revealing that he is a classically trained clown—though, I think I would have enjoyed it more if he were a Tramp rather than an Auguste—is a recipe for hilarity.

Spoilers after the jump.

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Glee “Ballad”

Between this week’s episode and the spectacular “Wheels,” it appears that Glee has finally figured out what type of show it wants to be. “Ballad” is notable for a couple of great moments that helped this episode rise above its ever-present weaknesses. The first is Rachel’s crush on Mr. Schue, which is hilariously executed, if only for the crazy eyes that Rachel is a little too good at. The second would be the Finn/Quinn baby drama that, for this episode at least, provided some real drama and did not make me want to gouge my eyes out.

Spoilers after the jump.

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Nurse Jackie “Health Care and Cinema” On the first season finale, Jackie’s life begins to spin even further out of control and Dr. O’Hara’s mother is brought to the emergency room.

WARNING: After the jump, THERE BE SPOILERS.

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The men and women of Sterling Cooper.

Mad Men “Out of Town”: The British invasion of the Sterling Cooper agency heats up in the Spring of 1963 as Mad Men enters its third season.

WARNING: After the jump, THERE BE SPOILERS.

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