Hey E,

I’ve been trying to work this whole free love angle at Georgetown since I got here, but nobody seems to be down for casual inexclusive sex or just being friends with benefits (well excluding my gay roommate who seems all too down). Is there just some sort of Catholic conservative aura permeating through the campus, or am I just living in the wrong decade? And in all fairness, I will acknowledge that there is a drunk hookup culture, but I have two problems with that: I like being able to see/talk to someone beforehand, and, on a more practical note, whiskey dick. I clearly need help.

—Lover Boy

Hey Lover Boy,

Woah now Veruca Salt. You just want the whoooole world, don’t you? Look, lots of college boys would love to have a legion of regular casual sex partners that they can rotate through like shoes in a closet—but that’s a little difficult to achieve (yes, especially at Georgetown). I’m not saying lower your standards, because I learned in kindergarten that you can do anything you set your mind to (like getting Kyle Jones held back for cheating off of your spelling test!!! Or free love I guess). But I am saying to just loosen up a little bit, let go of the pretty rigid idea of “casual inexclusive sex,” and give yourself some time to get into the groove.

Aggressively seeking tons of women to sleep with probably makes you seem like a creep, but I’m going to assume you’re very nice … so tone it down lest you’re coming off like a hunter-gatherer. Maybe one Tuesday you’ll douse yourself in Axe, meet a nice girl in the stacks, and have a pleasant one night stand. Maybe you’ll go to a Dems party and enjoy/suffer through a 20-minute DFMO. Whatever. Just let it happen, stay safe and respectful, and maybe in time you’ll find a girl or two who is game with your whole Summer of Love act.

I feel I should add that you need to be pretty upfront with your intentions, or at least imply them somehow—especially if you’re not going to use liquid courage. College kids may not expect drunken one night stands to lead to anything, but sober conversation and everything is a little different.

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