Sick of watching Ryan Gosling movies by yourself on Valentine’s Day? Probably not. But here a few other things you can do besides watching The Notebook and gorging on chocolate.

Eat your feelings: I’m sure you’ve heard that chocolate can give you the feeling of being in love. So maybe, just maybe, if you eat enough chocolate, you’ll feel like you’re actually in love (ignore the fact that you do not have a significant other to love). Also, if you hold off this celebration until Feb. 15, you will probably be able to get some discounts.

Make fun of Valentine’s Day: Instead of stressing about Feb. 14, make a joke out of it. Go down to the sex shop on Wisconsin and go crazy. Buy a friend some fuzzy handcuffs. Bake a penis-shaped cake with one of their cake pans. Cook up some boob-shaped pasta. You know, have some good, wholesome fun.

Cook food: Have an “I hate Valentine’s Day” dinner with your friends. Stay home and cook (unless, of course, you want to be surrounded by couples out to dinner). Get a few bottles of wine if you really want to go all out. You could even finish off all of that penis cake and boob pasta you just cooked.

Violent movie marathon: Express your true feelings about Valentine’s day by watching some Quentin Tarantino movies. Nothing like blood-splattered walls (and blood-splattered everything else for that matter) to complement the chocolate hearts and cupids everywhere.

Rub a few off: Admit it. You masturbate or have masturbated (especially if you’re reading this post). If you haven’t, just give up. “Mortal sin” be damned. Even more, it’s good for you. If you somehow haven’t, the internet can teach you how—it’s not hard. Your roommates will all be out on dates. Remove distractions and go for it.

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Vox feels sorry for those of you who are unlucky enough to miss out on celebrating the festivities of Singles’ Awareness Day, so we compiled a list of activities you can do with your significant other instead.

We know all of you are disappointed that you won’t be able to cry alone while eating chocolate and watching The Notebook, but here are a few things you can do besides just going out to dinner to mitigate the sadness. Single Vox readers: There’s no need to worry, there will be a post for you soon enough.

Skiing: This first one can increase your adrenaline levels (which can also boost your sex drive). Try taking your better half just a few hours away from D.C. for a fun day on the slopes—some of these resorts even have indoor water parks and spas. There are more ski resorts nearby than you think.

Yoga: For a healthy and low-key way to spend some time with your valentine, try out some yoga together. It’s a great way to relax as well as open up your hips, thighs, and pelvis for any other Valentine’s Day activities you might engage in later.

Indoor Picnic: If you really want to get romantic this Valentine’s Day, try doing an indoor picnic (because no one wants to be outside in this weather). Lay out a cozy blanket, cook up some soup or hot chocolate, and set the mood with some music. If you want to go all out, get a Sterno candle, marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers to make some s’mores. You can even print out an invitation here.

Salsa Dancing: For those of you who really, really love Valentine’s Day and want to start celebrating the night before, salsa dancing lessons at Café Citron, a bar near DuPont Circle, are a creative way to get close with your date. The bar offers free salsa lessons for beginners Wednesday nights from 7:30 to 8:00 p.m. You can even show up early for their happy hour from 4:00- 7:30 p.m. for a few drinks.

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Sam Ungar shows how only GUSA could make a discussion about transparency completely opaque.

Josh, you have no idea how happy former Hoya Bill Clinton is that GUSA senator Daniel LaMagna (COL ’13) took this dubious honor from him. The mockery he received during his own GUSA presidential campaign haunted him so much Al Gore lost Florida in 2000.

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Friday

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, so express your love for your girlfriend or boyfriend by purchasing two tickets to The Vagina Monologues. The performance begins at 8 p.m. in the Devine Studio Theatre (Davis Performing Arts Center) and proceeds go to charity.

Vagina Monologues not your cup of tea? ImprovFest, hosted by the Georgetown Improv Association, should have you covered for entertainment on Friday night (8 p.m., Gaston Hall). In attendance will be the renowned improv group Upright Citizens Brigade, and rumor has it they’ll be performing an all new act, the aptly-titled Penis Soliloquies.

If you’re not in the mood to laugh, Georgetown Program Board is screening Tower Heist at 7:30 p.m. and 10 p.m. in the ICC Auditorium.

Saturday

Cupid’s Undie Run, a 1.1 mile charity race, is happening at noon at the Pour house on Pennsylvania Avenue. If you work out naked or like to go streaking at baseball games, this sounds like something right up your alley.

The Star Wars: Episode 1 3D re-release is playing at the Georgetown AMC at 9:45 a.m., 1:00 p.m., 4:30 p.m., 7:45 p.m., and 11:05 p.m. Jar Jar haters are advised to leave their tomatoes at home.

Couldn’t get enough of Tower Heist? It’s playing at the ICC Auditorium at 10 p.m.

The Vagina Monologues has an 8 p.m. showing at the Davis Performing Arts Center.

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Wow, we certainly had a lot of creative entries, didn’t we? After our judges had a heated secret conference in which one person was unfriended and another accused of illiteracy, there was one winner who brought home the traditional Valentine’s Day chocolate fish. Behold! Our winner and most-honorable mentions.

Kid A took home the choco-fish with a heart-warming poem about sweaters.

William Shakespeare once wrote, “Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.”

Screw that, we’re giving away chocolate instead.

As we do every once in a while here at Vox, we’re having a haiku contest for our readers.

You know the drill: submit your love-themed haiku in the comments below and we’ll pick our favorites to receive a box of chocolate for either themselves or their significant other (because nothing says true love like regifted chocolate).

To get things started, here’s an example:

True love is precious

But chocolate is better

Enter our contest

Image: Flickr user treasureinadullshell