“Dominating the shit out of this farce”: the secret lives of GW students
A foolish (and, as we’ll learn, salacious) GW student forgot to sign out of Facebook on a public computer and had her messages with a friend forwarded around. The result is the most delicious glimpse into a college student’s mind since Aleksey Vayner.
The messages include everything you might want to know–who the girl’s showering with, if she is the most popular girl in school in her own mind, and whether “Steve” is as deluded as he seems.
The messages alternate primarily between two topics: the girls’ love lives and their popularity at school. The latter:
Also, there is no despute regarding the fact that we are the most popular girls in our grade based on
1. inquires made about you while you’ve been away
2. people wanting so hard on my friendship
You’d be forgiven for interpreting “wanting so hard” as innuendo after reading the sad tale of Steve, who is spooning, cuddling, and showering with one of the girls, but never gets to consummate anything.
He first appears mooning after the main messager at a party. They’ve hooked up, but he can’t talk about it because she told him not to (a time-honored agreement common among people aroused-by but disgusted-with their partners):
1. Steve is in love with me… won’t talk to others girls, just hover
stalks and watches me flirt with other more attractive guys and pouted
over the fact that I told him he can’t tell people we hook up ( a rule
which he actually follows because he looked Lia straight in the face
and told Nate he didn’t hook up with anyone the other night,
Bummer! Later, the messager reveals in a conversation with her suitemate that Steve is trapped in a pretty pathetic cuddle buddy relationship:
S: was that Steve last night?
S: whats the deal with you two?
C: nothing really
S: so you’re sleeping together?
C: actually no, we just kiss and cuddle and sleep together
S: didn’t I hear you two shower together this morning?
I mean, the showers are a nice twist, but I bet it’s more about not being able to wash your back alone than anything sexy.
Later, the girl ends their codependent relationship after Steve sleeps with a girl named Corinne, and their codependent relationship ends. Who’s in love with who, I wonder?
This is really the best thing Facebook has given me since newsfeed.