The Real World DC Power Rankings: Week Three

Sweaty hug!

With a nod to Mark Lisanti and his Mad Men Power Rankings, Vox Pop will be running episode recaps of The Real World DC … just for you! Rather than bore you with summaries, every week we’ll rank house members in order of entertainment value. Rankings were determined with a scientifically thorough process that definitely didn’t involve a bottle of liquor.

Sorry about last week, gang. On Thursday morning, I woke up and started my morning routine—Gym, Tan, Laundry, and optional afternoon self-loathing crying session, in case you’re curious—and neglected my power ranking duties.

But before I get to this week’s, a plea. Try to avoid gushing about friends you glanced on the screen during the show, stop giggling when the cast goes to Rhino, and please stop pointing out Georgetown establishments you recognize. We recognize them too.

Let’s get to it.

1) Emily (previously #3)

I’m curious to know what “cult” Emily followed in her younger days. I didn’t think Scientology had spread to  Missouri yet. Or, maybe it’s a secretive Catholic sect. Someone call Dan Brown, he might be interested.

Hopefully, her relationship with Ty is dead now. I don’t think they had much to begin with—”cuddle buddy” isn’t a relationship option on Facebook.

Choice Quotation: “You can suck up your jealousy, suck your own cock, and go to bed.”

Moment of High Comedy: She spit on Ty. Afterwards, Ashley said, “[Emily and Ty] fight physically because they have so much sexual tension.” If so, is the spitting incident a metaphor for snowballing?

2) Ty (previously #2)

Did anyone else think that Ty and Emily’s conversation at the bar looked like a silent film? The scene had no audible dialogue, both used exaggerated hand gestures, and the music was far too loud. Some MTV video editor is over-reaching his duties. LOCK IT DOWN, MTV.

Choice Quotation: “Hey Emily! How are all the black guys at the bar? Were they awesome?”

Moment of High Comedy: After a day of exercising, Ty and Emily kick back on the porch with cigarettes. Really, Ty? He’ll need to be more committed to the cause if he ever wants an invite to the Real World / Road Rules Challenge. Or how he was boxing at the gym while wearing earrings.

3) Callie (previously #7)

Ty was wrong. Callie can’t be a Playboy model because she doesn’t have a vapid, dead look in her eyes. It was fun to see the house rally behind her and throw a shit-storm of judgment at Ty.

Choice Quotation: “I’m eating chips and I don’t even care.”

Moment of High Comedy: Callie got lost in Dupont Circle again! There’s only one solution to her lack of navigational skills: the rest of the house should tie bells on her shoes and pin her name and address on her shirt. Or better yet, Callie should just run around the traffic circle, over and over again.

4) Andrew (previously #1)

The Real World DC isn’t entertaining unless Andrew gets plenty of time on-screen. Why didn’t he defend Callie when Ty brought up her weight? Why wasn’t he wearing the panda hat? For the love of God, when will he be deflowered by a 35 year-old legal assistant who works in Foggy Bottom?

Choice Quotation: “The plastic glass in the shower, they think you can’t see through it. But you can.”

Moment of High Comedy: When Andrew was talking to Josh about Callie, he looked like emo Peter Parker in Spiderman 3.

5) Ashley (previously #4):

Ashley’s got the potential to entertain in the next few weeks. The “YOU ARE PRETTY = )” sign she made for Callie was funny and sweet, if a little idiotic. Let’s hope she kisses Mike again, fights a bisexual guy, and somehow meets Barack Obama.

Choice Quotation: “No black white babies.”

Moment of High Comedy: Ashley talking about “marks on her skin,” while Ty and Emily glare at each other and argue about their relationship.

6) Erika (previously #8):

Erika was quiet this week, save for a moment at the yoga gym when she and the other girls got to “shake what our mommas gave us.” Why does a yoga gym offer dancing classes?

Choice Quotation: “I went to bed. Did anything happen?”

Moment of High Comedy: Working out in the gym with Ty and Emily

7) Josh (previously #5):

If Josh thinks Callie is attractive, why didn’t he tell her after Ty put her in a shame spiral? I guess it might hurt his street credibility.

Choice Quotation: “She has some meat on her bones.”

Moment of High Comedy: On The Aftershow, Josh started flirting with Callie. So did Andrew. So did Mike. I hope one of them has a king-size bed.

8. Mike (previously #6):

I was disappointed last week when Mike revealed that his boyfriend, Tanner—who I guarantee plays lacrosse—wasn’t interested in visiting D.C. It was a down week for Mike, but I bet he bounces back nicely in the future.

Choice Quotation: “Go pee and go to bed.”

Moment of High Comedy: Mike always wears plaid shorts. How late in the year will he continue to wear them? I think he might be a preppy never-nude.

4 Comments on “The Real World DC Power Rankings: Week Three

  1. Thank you, Vox, for causing me to look up “snowballing” on Urban Dictionary. This being another first-day-of-class, this is the one thing i’ll learn all day.

  2. Pingback: Vox Populi » Comments of the Week: In which we promise to eat a basketball

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