The Real World DC Power Rankings: Week Four
How to get high marks at Panda Charm School
1) Andrew (previously #4)
This week, Andrew’s quest to get some reality-TV-style action and subsequent sexual frustration took front and center in the Real World house. Despite lessons from his housemates on the timeless art of seduction (and unhooking a bra with one hand) and a promising start at a tryst with Alli of Georgetown, Andrew failed to end his well-publicized dry spell.
On the upside, when the guys “unwittingly” went to a gay bar, he gets some unwanted kisses on the neck from a fellow patron.
Choice Quotation: “I just laid there, thinking about my boner.”
Moment of High Comedy: He agrees that when trying to woo a girl, he shouldn’t talk about Pokemon or turn everything into a sexual innuendo. What’s the age limit on this show, anyway?
2) Ashley (previously #5)
Every MTV reality show has the one annoying, loud, dysfunctional male-female pairing. On RWDC, it’s Ashley and Mike. She spends the first few minutes gushing about how close she feels to her bisexual housemate after taking him to church, only to later on squeakily yell at and cry over the guy, all because of two instances where he didn’t defend her in the way she thought he should. Apparently she doesn’t think chivalry is dead.
Choice Quotation: “I don’t need to know a bunch of strangers, I don’t need to know the whole city.”
Moment of High Comedy: After her first fight with Mike, she storms out of the room. Cue dramatic music and shots of random DC-ers walking in the rain. I’m choking back tears just remembering it.
3) Mike (previously #8)
Mike offered the voice of the entire Real World viewership during the second argument of the episode, when he called Ashley a bitch. When the two made up, he offered a very literal demonstration of them “burying the hatchet” which I’m sure Andrew would’ve turned into an innuendo.
Choice Quotation: “If you don’t let anybody in, no one gets in.” Shakespearean.
Moment of High Comedy: He administers to Andrew his lesson in single-handed bra removal.
4) Ty (previously #2)
Ty was one of the more freaked-out guys when he discovered that the sports bar they went to was the kind that thought those smacks on the ass that athletes give weren’t just for the ball field. Didn’t anyone do any research about Dupont Circle before moving there?
Choice Quotation: “I don’t even like sports anymore.”
Moment of High Comedy: He tries to calm Ashley down from her rant about Mike but just creepily holds her hands and looks at her.
5) Emily (previously #1)
As if getting sexiled (or, more literally, cuddle-ziled) by her roommate Andrew wasn’t enough, Emily also had to take on the role of psychoanalyst this week when she offered Ashley all kinds of in-depth reasons why Mike was being such an ass. Apparently the fact that he auditioned for the Real World wasn’t enough explanation?
Choice Quotation: “Can you please not take pictures of my roommate?”
Moment of High Comedy: She tries to serve as a go-between for Ashley and Mike, but fuels the fire when Mike answers one of her questions in a not-so-nice way and Ashley just so happens to walk right in. What a coincidence!
6) Callie (previously #3)
Callie was pretty referential this week, with most of her contributions coming from advice to Andrew and a pointless, minute-long game of “Never Have I Ever”. But they did show her eating when the crew went out for dinner. Is that the producers’ way of telling Ty to shove it from last week’s episode?
Choice Quotation: “I think Andrew’s upset ‘cause there goes one more possible girl that Andrew could’ve had sex with.”
Moment of High Comedy: She tells Andrew that he should get with Alli because Alli rhymes with Callie. Now who could argue with that logic?
7) Josh (previously #7)
I’ll admit that I had to look up Josh’s name at the end of the episode, having mentally referred to him as “Tool with the Sideburns” for the entire thing. Aside from some gratuitous shot of him sitting at a piano and a comment about how he and Andrew are both artists, Josh reprised his role from last week as being nearly absent from the footage. But stay tuned, because according to the previews, that’s all going to change next week.
8. Erika (previously #6)
Erika did nothing. At all. She offered some insight on the Ashley/Mike drama and stood in the corner of a few shots. Here’s hoping next week she sleeps with with some hottie from GW so she can finally get some airtime.