The Real World DC Power Rankings: Week Eleven
Yes, I know it’s the third week in a row. But Andrew got a girlfriend! And she’s hot! Sure, she’s a divorcee and former model who’s probably just using him to get on TV, but hey, at least she knows they’re dating. For him, that’s a step up. Plus, this means we viewers get a front-row seat to his terrible dating skills (they bond over having the same initials), awkward come-ons (“You taste so good!”), and weird ideas of love (“I want to stand on the top of a mountain, with trumpets playing, and flutes”).
Choice Quotation: “You cannot trust women. Aristotle once said, no one trusts a woman, not even a woman.”
Moment of High Comedy: On the first date, he brings up the two of them moving in together. She thinks he’s kidding. He isn’t.
2) Erika (previously tied for #7)
“Wah wah wah, I’m a failing musician and NPR won’t hire me and Callie gets to do something artsy and semi-succeed at it but rather than be happy for her I’m just going to whine and feel sorry for myself. Wah wah wah.” That’s all she says. Now you can fast-forward every time she speaks.
Choice Quotation: “Sometimes I just wanna lay in my bed and read a book the whole day.” Real Worlders can read!
Moment of High Comedy: The gang goes to a soccer game, and while everyone else cheers she sits down and complains about her failed music career.
3) Emily (previously #2)
Emily’s on-screen moments once again center around her helping Andrew. This time, it’s because her inept, panda-hat-clad roommate has no idea how to go on a date without making a complete idiot of himself. She explains to him that he can’t wear girl’s perfume (even though he has already sprayed himself with it), and then helps him dissipate the smell. In an ironic (but very unfortunate) twist of fate, she later walks in on Andrew and his girlfriend in bed. Awkward.
Choice Quotation: “I really did not want to see Andrew and Andrea having sex, and I did, and I got a front row seat of it, and I think I puked in my mouth a little bit.”
Moment of High Comedy: When Andrew gets sick, she switches into mother mode, making him tea and taking his temperature.
4) Ashley (previously #4)
Ashley continues to butt into other people’s business this week, offering her insight on Andrew’s girlfriend and Erika’s irritating complaints about how terrible her life is (those were pretty much the only two things that happened in the episode, anyway). She especially loves when Andrew first refers to Andrea as his “girlfriend”, and proceeds to gossip for far too long about it with the rest of the housemates.
Choice Quotation: “She has big ole’ boobies. Big ole’ boobies.”
Moment of High Comedy: She and Emily talk about how much Erika whines, and in between their sentences they can hear Erika complain loudly about her situation from the other room.
5) Callie (previously tied for #7)
While Ashley’s assumed role is to judge and talk about other people’s problems, Callie’s is to attempt to help them. The two are about equally effective. Callie splits her time between convincing Erika that she should stay in the house and not get disheartened, and taking pictures for her “internship” which somehow wind up on the covers of magazines.
Choice Quotation: “Life is discouraging! Life sucks!”
Moment of High Comedy: In a bonus clip, she has a lengthy conversation with Andrew while in the shower, most of which consisted of her telling him to leave.
6) Mike (previously #6)
Once again, Mike got barely any face time this week. But when he did, it was because he was irritating Erika by being on the phone ten minutes before NPR was supposed to call her. That gets him bonus points in my book.
Choice Quotation: “She’s like really upset with me right now, even though she uses the phone all the time.”’
7) Josh (previously #5)
The only real footage of Josh this week (aside from a pointless conversation with Andrew’s girlfriend while she’s in the hot tub) is of him bringing some girl home from a bar. And there was zero presence of his band! Hallelujah!
8 ) Ty (previously #3)
Since nobody stood too close to any ledges, Ty didn’t do much this week. He offered Andrew some unmemorable advice, and otherwise laid pretty low. Better luck next episode.