Comments of the Week: Contrary to popular belief, we don’t condone Declaration thefts

After he read about Lauinger’s most precious document, “Benjamin Gates” lived up to his name:

I have a feeling that there’s a map on the back of that document which will lead me to the secret Jesuit gold which Georgetown was founded to hide. But Georgetown would never let me examine the document and I have a feeling that somebody else (*cough* Todd Olson) is going to get his hands on it. I have to do the right thing. I’m going to steal Lauinger’s broadside copy of the Declaration of Independence.

Joe” had some other ideas about the origins of Georgetown’s broadside copy of the Declaration:

Reports note that the document was discovered when John J. “Shiney and Smiley” DeGioia confused it for an old, bleached copy of The New York Post and proceeded to wrap his favorite glass New Kids on the Block figurines with it before packing them away in the special collections vault deep beneath his shed in the backyard. On learning of the document’s value, DeGioia initially expressed satisfaction that the endowment had grown by nearly $1 MM relative to Harvard’s, but then cried uncontrollably for several hours, whilst shouting “It-isn’t-FAIR!”, on learning that Harvard, too, owned a copy, as Harvard would. According to Provost O’Donnell, university officials plan to display the historical document next to “some basketball sporting trophy from the 1980s” and “a Polish guy playing chess on the lawn.”

The ever-helpful “Idea Man” knew just what GU should do with the document:

Sell it and start the “Raze and Rebuild Lauinger” Capital Campaign.

Poor Cleveland” said what everyone was thinking this week in response to Vox‘s monthly crime watch:

I think the biggest crime committed this week has been Lebron James going to the Heat. WTF man?

Hmm” was suspicious about Georgetown’s highest paid employees:

There are only two women on this list and they are both in the bottom three.

Hrmph” noticed another demographic left in the cold by GU’s payroll:

There are no dolphins on this list either… what gives?

Tuition” noticed a strange correlation between costs and spending at Georgetown:

Love how every time my tuition goes up so do the salaries of these noodle heads.

More Signs?” opposes the sign contest we held to oppose those who oppose the 2010 Campus Plan:

Georgetown Voice: Stooping to the Burleith resident’s level since 2010

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