VFT Mailbag: Will she hook-up with me if I don’t date her?

Venus Fly Trap is back for another round of sex and relationship advice. Got a question? Tell her about it in the anonymous submission form at the bottom of this post.


I’m a freshman and this girl is really into me, and I’m digging her too. We’ve already hooked up a few times and I feel like she wants to start heading toward the “official” status. I have no problem with relationships, but should I really be heading into something in my first month of college? Will she stop putting out if I just extend our informal hook up period? HELP ME!


Hear that sound? That’s me rolling my eyes.

Congratulations, Newb. Like so many other Georgetown boys, you’ve fallen victim to “Grass is greener”-itis. This disease seems to circulate around campus, deluding dudes into thinking that being single is better than being with someone who makes them happy. The only cure? Realizing that single life is not objectively better than being in a relationship.

Also dearie, not every relationship has to be like Wuthering Heights. I’ve got shocking news—you can be serious about someone without being serious when you’re with her.

Onto the crucial part of this unspoken argument: The “someone who makes you happy” bit. If all you want is a hook up or a good time, then don’t waste your time and energy dating this girl—for both of your sakes. And if she stops putting out because you don’t want to date her, tough. Eventually, you’ll find someone else.

I know you’re new to this, but college isn’t always like an Asher Roth music video.


I’m pretty much the typical white girl Jane Hoya.

After a few semesters of hooking up with the privileged, bland, obnoxious bro type white guys.. I’ve realized I need a little color in my life.

I have no idea how to go about that. Any ideas?


Slow down, dear. Maybe we need a little visit back to Pluralism in Action, but generalizing all “color” as more exciting than “bro type white guys” is just about the worst way to try to make your love life more exciting. (Unless you want to offend somebody after explaining why you want to Affirmative Action your relationships.)

Believe it or not, there are privileged, bland, obnoxious bros that aren’t white. (And there are white guys that are pretty interesting too.) So before you take any action, listen up.

Don’t treat your love life like a box of crayons. Black, white, purple, orange, whatever—just find someone who clicks with you.


Is it terrible if I’m a girl, a junior, and a virgin?

—like a virgin

Hells to the naw. It’s not terrible at all!

You would be surprised at how many people on campus are in your same position, but just don’t publicize it.

It’s easy to spot the guy yelling across Leo’s about how many girls he’s slept with, or the girl on a Saturday night whose boob cleavage is only slightly more aggressive than her butt cleavage, but there’s a silent and more inconspicuous population of virgins here too. There’s no need to be embarrassed about it, L.A.V. You’re in good—but often quiet—company.

Besides, do you know how much money you’ve saved by locking that chastity belt? Birth control costs about $25 a month, Plan B is even pricier, and condoms aren’t exactly free. (Except on those days when you spot H*yas for Choice in Red Square.)

Now, we’re talking about something entirely different if you want some but aren’t getting any. If that’s the case, here’s my suggestion: Grab all that cash you’ve saved by holding onto that v-card, head over to Pleasure Place, and buy yourself a gold-plated vibrator.

The VFT Mailbag







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12 Comments on “VFT Mailbag: Will she hook-up with me if I don’t date her?

  1. Hear that sound? That’s the sound of me being bored to tears. VFT, your advice is not helpful or entertaining, and your weak attempts at shock humor fall flat. Between your dated pop culture references and your pedestrian writing, your posts on Vox have consistently been a waste of time. Stop writing.

  2. lulz @ someone who uses the phrase “bored to tears” to describe “pedestrian writing”

    I’m just shocked there’s a sex column at a DC college that isn’t patently offensive *cough* any sex column the hoya’s ever run *cough* good post VFT

  3. I agree completely. How dare VFT make a reference to an album released before 2010! If it hasn’t happened in the last nine months, it is literally irrelevant to life in the modern world. Also, Wuthering Heights? That must be some sort of sick joke. I just wikipedia’ed it, and it’s (A) a book, and (B) from 1847! What’s next, the Epic of Gilgamesh?

  4. At the risk of mixing metaphors, looks like a fly trap can jump the shark.

  5. Just fyi on the free condoms: H*yas for Choice should be in red square (or leavy when its cold) every Monday and Thursday 10-3pm. A lot of members also have envelopes on their dorm room doors with free conodms. So, don’t spend money on condoms!

  6. “So, don’t spend money on condoms!”

    Because that would require you to stop and think before going at it.

  7. consistently the best vox posts I read. Thank you for giving me the gift of laughter.

  8. Since these emails are just as fictitious, why not begin them of with, “Dear Penthouse Forum”? For example, “Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought this would happen to me! I’m a freshman and this girl…”

  9. I wasn’t aware Wuthering Heights was a pop culture reference.

  10. who doesn’t want a broad shouldered fleet footed virile male? If you got trough is manly toughness, maybe he would share some old time folksy wisdom with you? Perhaps take you down south for some grits and time with momma? man black guys are just the best.

    please listen to venus’ wise words, and perhaps consider turning yourself in as a case study for the folks at pluralism in action.

  11. Pingback: Cartier sunglasses

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