What would Malory Archer say: This week’s movie releases

Vox previews this week’s only two movie releases in D.C. in Malory Archer’s always kind and thoughtful words.

I, Frankenstein

Wait… So it’s the doctor who’s named Frankenstein? Then what’s the monster’s name? Or does he not have a name? That adds to the mystery and suspense of the mysterious and suspenseful end-of-humanity type of movie. Also, special effects.

Malory Archer’s take: “Oh don’t worry. He may be a vain, selfish, lying, and quite possibly alcoholic man-whore, but gambling is one vice [Frankenstein] doesn’t have.”

Gimme Shelter

A sad story about a sad, pregnant teenager who is searching for her sad father on Wall Street to get away from her sad homeless shelter.

Malory Archer’s take: “Oh, the same entitled crap as always. ‘I can’t make ends meet. I’m on food stamps. My child died because I couldn’t afford new bone marrow.’ Just, me, me, me, me, me.”

And because there weren’t enough movies to include this quote (but Vox really loves it anyways), here’s one of Malory’s most memorable, heartfelt words: “The classic Irish man’s dilemma: Do I eat the potato or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?”

Photo via IMBD

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