Vox‘s ranking of the best and worst elevators on campus

Elevators are undoubtedly the pinnacle of modern civilization. They have literally raised humanity up from squalor. Elevators have made it possible for Vox to go through her day without superfluously expending a single calorie on an aerobic activity as passé as climbing stairs. Seriously, to all you stair climbers out there, get on my level.

At Georgetown, not all elevators are created equal. Whether your elevator riding experience is a glorious realization of modernity or a horrifying waking nightmare completely depends on where you are on campus. To help guide you through this experience, Vox has done expensive field work to bring you a ranking of the best and worst elevators at Georgetown.

The Best:

  • The Southwest Quad: After living in Darnall during her freshman year, Vox moved into the Quad and actually got motion sickness while riding in those stainless steel beauties. These elevators are fast, reliable, and not known to trap civilians indefinitely. Five Stars.
  • Regents: When walking into the first floor of Regents on your way to Leavey, there is no greater temptation than making that slight right turn away from the stairs towards the elevators. These marvels of modern engineering ought to be their own stop on GAAP tours, which are going to have to find creative ways to avoid construction anyway.
  • Healy Hall: This elevator makes the best list not for the quality of your riding experience, but for its location. This elevator is an essential tool when planning a Riggs Library break-in or a tunnel excursion. However, if you do decide to go exploring (at your own risk), make sure that you send the elevator back to the first floor when you get off, so GUPD won’t know you are up there.

The Worst:

  • The Leavey Center: These two elevators are nothing but a migraine waiting to happen and probably serve as the administration’s silent punishment for the Voice and The Hoya staffs. You actually have to jam a piece of paper in between the doors of the elevator to get the doors to open on the ground floor. The silver lining is that if you do get stuck in there, there is an outlet to charge your phone.
  • Walsh: If you ever want to be late to class, take this elevator. Vox has actually stood waiting for this elevator for ten minutes waiting for it to make the tedious ten-minute trek down from the fourth floor.
  • Darnall Hall: Whether you personally identify with Vanilla Thunder or Chocolate Rain, these elevators are double trouble. Renown for trapping people indefinitely while they are on their way to class, Vox would opt to take the stairs during finals.
  • New South: These elevators are a pair of fallen Giants. After bring subjected to the debauchery of New South residents for the past ten years, the speed and efficiency of these elevators have declined dramatically. They are currently tottering along on their last, urine-soaked legs, hopefully someone will put them out of their misery soon.

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